Thea Kat wrote:I'm not sure if it will be helpful for you, but if you're feeling a bit stuck and looking for some inspiration to help you zero in on the exact feelings you're craving/missing, this (or similar exercises) could be a starting point!
Thanks a lot! It was an interesting read - I think it can definitely give me some insight into the issue
Heather wrote:I'm going to assume that you've felt at least some sexual interest and attraction since the start since this was a relationship you chose to have as one with a sexual component. Am I right there, or is this something that felt more like a default than a choice?
Yes, you are correct to assume that! I chose it rather than going with the flow.
Heather wrote:can you tell me a little bit about how sex has gone historically in this relationship when it comes to how you both decide what you want to do? Has it been something where it's been pretty mutual as far as initiating sexual activity has gone, and pretty mutual about whose ideas are followed with what to do or try? Or has it been more one-sided?
I think I usually tend to be the one suggesting things to try and attempting to initiate sex as my partner has lower sex drive and less interest in sex overall. I try to hold back though as I don't want to make him feel pressured + I know that if he is not taking action himself he is most likely just not in the mood.
Heather wrote:One of the things I was going to ask you was if you had any thoughts about what feels missing -- what are you looking for in your sexual life? What do you want from it most?
I had a couple of guesses why I might feel this way, but I don't really want to jump to conclusions yet. First one is about our sexual preferences not really combining that well (both of us are leaning more towards top-y or dominant roles and preferences), second one was about what I mentioned above, our discrepancies in attitudes towards sex. I am not entirely sure about either of them though. In the first case, well, it's not like I am never in the mood for going a bit more submissive, as well as not even always in the mood for the opposite, and he has expressed that he is open to taking on a submissive role too from time to time. As for the second case, I am not sure if a general attitude towards sex from one partner can affect experience that much. It's not like he is switched off or unenthusiastic during sex, so I assume that the attitude shouldn't be the case (?)
Overall I tend to change my mind a lot on what I think could be the cause of this issue.
If we are going back to TheaKat's suggestion to look into 11 sex personality types, one type's description is somewhat fitting for what I feel like is missing:
You like sex to feel all-encompassing, intense, and passionate. Maybe even animalistic. You're very in tune with the energy between you and your partner during sex. You love the idea of letting go and losing yourself in the moment. For you, the best sex is when time seems to stand still.
So I guess something closer to this, really getting into the flow, maybe losing track of time even. I am not sure if this is very helpful though