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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2020 10:57 am
Hi, I'm new here. I'm a 23 year old female and for a lot of years I never really had the need to masturbate until now, didn't know how to start and what to do, so I bought a vibrator. I never experienced an orgasm (I had sex before) so I really want to learn what I like and don't like. After some experimenting I kind of know what works for me and after some minutes I feel this buildup in my body, sometimes my legs shake and after a while I get this (don't know how to describe it) huge warm feeling that spreads through my body, which was scary at first but now I kind of like it. This feeling keeps going for a few seconds and it really scared me in the beginning so I always stopped, but now that I'm a bit more confident I keep on going and I'm waiting for a release (cause that's how everyone describes an orgasm). But that release never comes. I always start peeing. I'm sure it's pee cause it's a lot that comes out, even if I went to the bathroom before I started. I read that some other girls on this site have it as well and I get the idea that there isn't really anything I can do about it so I try to just except it. But everytime I pee it just kills the whole mood and my clitoris is pretty sensitive after that as well so I don't know what to do at that point.
So my question is, did I orgasm? Is the warm feeling that spreads through my body an orgasm or is it just the buildup? Cause it doesn't feel like a huge release to me and I'm not that satisfied in the end (maybe because I'm frustrated about he pee). So should I just keep on going after I peed even if my clitoris feels really sensitive?
I really hope you can help me out cause I just don't know what to do with this situation anymore.
Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2020 11:19 am
It's hard to say for certain whether you're experiencing orgasm, because orgasm differs from person to person and from day to day from any given person. It's possible you're getting stuck in what's known as the plateau phase, which comes right before orgasm. If you haven't already seen it, this article goes into detail about what each of those phases feel like: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
. Does any of that match with what you're experiencing?
As far as the peeing goes, it may be that what you're experiencing is ejaculation (often called "female ejaculation" or "squirting"), as that's something that can happen to people with vaginas. Does the description of ejaculation in this article seem to match with your experiences? Squirt: On Ejaculation
When it comes to continuing after, when your clitoris feels really sensitive, if it's painful or uncomfortable to touch that's a sign of our bodies telling us to take a break. So I'd advise against trying to push past that discomfort for the sake of a potential orgasm.
Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2020 12:46 pm
Hi Sam, thanks for the quick reply!!
I read both articles and for the first one (about the phases of an orgasm), I do feel like I'm on the edge and I have a strong heartbeat and I have muscle contractions so the plateau phase is definitely there. I don't think I experienced the resolution phase : relaxation of muscles, sense of wellness, release of tension and stress. But maybe that's because I pee and I try to stop that immediately to go to the toilet so maybe I interrupted it because I get all stressy when I notice I peed. Then for the orgasm phase, I once had a big muscle contraction which was bigger then the other (after feeling all the tension in my body), but then I just started to pee and stopped like I said before, cause I'm afraid if I keep on going my bed will be all wet even if I use a towel. In the article someone explained an orgasm to children as feeling the urge to pee and then finally release it, which I kind of can relate to cause I think it's actually pee in my case which feels good cause peeing always feels good, but that doesn't mean I had an orgasm so...
Then about the pee or female ejaculation. I think it's pee because I have the feeling it's a lot and I can keep going and I think squirting shouldn't be that much fluid. Also they describe squirting in the article as something that doesn't happen that much or at least not everytime you masterbate or have sex, but in my case it happened everytime I masterbated and kept on going (which is six times or something). I also have the feeling I can stop it for a bit/hold it in, just like pee, it's difficult but it works sometimes. I think you can't stop in the middle of a squirt right? I read squirting isn't always the same as an orgasm, does that mean you can keep on going after squirting until you orgasm or is squirting so tense that you had your pleasure already and everything is sensitive so you need to stop?
Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2020 4:51 pm
It is possible that the stress or alertness you're feeling about the pee/ejaculation you're noticing could be contributing to not experiencing or feeling the resolution phase of orgasm. I think it may be helpful, just as an experiment, to fold up a few towels beneath you and see what it feels like to ride out that feeling without stopping once you realize that urinating/ejaculating is happening. It sounds like you're already noting that you urinate before masturbating, but making sure to do so right beforehand might make it clearer what you're experiencing. Even though most people who experience this kind of ejaculation don't experience it with every orgasm, that doesn't mean no one does; it is possible that you're just someone who ejaculates often.
In terms of whether you can keep masturbating afterwards or not, that all depends on how sensitive and comfortable you feel. If things are pretty sensitive and masturbating doesn't feel good, try taking a break instead of pushing through that discomfort. Some people with vulvas find that masturbating does feel good shortly after an orgasm, and some don't; you can experiment with taking short breaks and seeing how things feel, but there isn't a hard and fast rule about it.
Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2020 5:49 pm
Hey pokipie! One thought that I had is that if you sometimes have a bathroom to yourself (without roommates or family needing to use it) you could try masturbating in the shower or in the tub so that you don't have to worry about getting anything wet. I've experienced what you're talking about (including the not being sure if it was pee or some other fluid) but only one time. It was still really awkward and I felt really embarrassed, so I can imagine being frustrated if you're experiencing it every time. If it helps to hear, I definitely don't think it's anything you HAVE to feel embarrassed about or a sign that something's wrong -- sometimes bodies are just annoying and awkward and do inconvenient things. For me, the best way to figure out my body has been to just experiment and try different things, so it might be useful to experiment with masturbating in a context where it really doesn't matter if a lot of fluid appears. I hope you're able to figure it out!