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- Posts: 1
- Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2022 11:07 am
- Age: 18
- Pronouns: he/him
- Sexual identity and orientation: gay
- Location: usa
my boyfriend and i both have vulvas and sex for us includes fingering. we’ve been doing this for quite a while and he’s only ever brought me to orgasm once and i know i’ve done it for him several times. the things he does feel really good, but he just randomly stops before i can finish. i don’t know why he does this, and i haven’t brought it up with him. i always want him to keep going, but i don’t tell him that because i think maybe he just doesn’t want to anymore, but i don’t really know. i want sex to be a mutually pleasurable experience for both of us, but i don’t want him to do anything that makes him uncomfortable. i know i need to talk to him about it, but i don’t really know what to say or how to word it. what should i say to him?
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 2260
- Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him, they/them
- Sexual identity and orientation: queer/bisexual
It's true that the only way to figure out what's happening here, and to ask for the kind of sex you want, is going to be to talk to your boyfriend about it. I get that it can be really intimidating to do, especially if you don't have a lot of practice in talking about sex or other sensitive topics with another person. I do want to specifically note that asking for something sexual, or saying "the way we're doing things isn't working for me right now, can we talk about it?" is a good
thing to do in a relationship, even if the conversation feels uncomfortable or awkward.
How's your sexual communication overall? Do you check in with each other often during sex, or offer or ask for feedback on how things are going? Or do you feel like you just aren't communicating much during sex at all right now?
If you want some pointers on how to have these discussions, this article may be helpful: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner