I know that you do. Please know that we understand these kinds of dynamics, and we also know the effects they have on someone who grows up in them. We get that this isn't about you being lazy, or not doing things when you easily can. You asked me the other day if I'd ever known anyone in your kind of situation. I have, and we have also worked with others in similar situations here at Scarleteen. I feel for you, Jenny, I really do. I know that this is really challenging, and I know that there's also a lot of conflicting feelings at play here. I think in your particular situation as an adoptee, as someone rural, and as someone with the seizure disorder you have, it's particularly complex.
I wanted to find you something the other day when we were talking to address the kinds of dynamics it seems you're living with, something outside our site so that you could see some information that wasn't just from us. I found this, which I think is a very good basic primer on the general kinds of dynamics you've grown up with and are still living in: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/controlling-parents/
I found a few more things I think are good, if you're interested in reading some more:
• https://eggshelltherapy.com/paranoid-co ... g-parents/
I do think you might have more options than you think you do, and more ways around their control than you may think. I get how fearful you feel: you've been taught over a long, long time to feel fearful, and you're still living in that environment, so it's understandable you feel that way. But with some coordination (like, for instance, between us and maybe that friend you mentioned, or with help from your brother and sister-in-law) you might be able to do things like, for example, apply for disability income for yourself or at least get some information about it. (You can look at some information on that online if you like, just so get a sense of things: https://dhs.sd.gov/disabilitydeterminationservices.aspx
) We don't mind going the extra mile for users here with special needs like special needs for extra security, truly. If you want to start trying to take some extra steps at any point, but don't feel secure/safe enough doing that, we can help you get connected with others who understand your need for that security or work with you ourselves in that way.
I do want to say that I believe the level of control that your parents are exerting on you at this point and at your age is such that were adult social services to be involved, they would likely help you leave your home. In other words, they would likely agree with me that this is an emotionally (and at this point, maybe also financially, and, should it be impacting your physical health in any way, potentially even physically) abusive situation, and possibly get involved to remove you from it or otherwise help to change the situation there. You've had enough people making choices for you and taking control away from you: I'm not saying that's something we will try and do, I'm saying that is an option YOU have for yourself, and we can talk more about what that might look like if you want to.
I'll leave you to read those things, but I just want to leave you with one more clear statement: you are deserving of age-appropriate autonomy, freedom and respect. You are worthy and deserving of your own life and choices, and the kind of basic freedoms you have talked about wanting and more. It not only isn't okay that you haven't had them, it isn't healthy you haven't, and your parents telling you it is for the sake of your health is gaslighting, not truthful or caring. If they truly believe it's the latter, not the former, then something is deeply the matter in their own understanding of how to parent in a healthy way. <3