I'm sorry you've been told you're overly sensitive, Lostand_found!
I've been told this myself, and I always find it a very interesting conundrum. For example, my mom has often told my sister and I that we are "too sensitive" and she wishes she hadn't moved away from her family (who "made her tough") so that we could have been raised around more people who would have been meaner to us and called us names so that when she says something "teasing" (but upsetting!) to us, we'd just laugh it off instead of getting upset. I have also been told I'm "too sensitive" in response to things like calling people out for using racial slurs.
And if you think about it - what is the opposite of being sensitive? Being insensitive. And let's look at that. Here's how each of those are defined:
having or displaying a quick and delicate appreciation of others' feelings
easily offended or upset
showing or feeling no concern for others' feelings
not aware of or able to respond to something
Honestly, I know which one I'd rather be more. I'd rather be more sensitive. I would rather care about other people's feelings. I would rather be kind and compassionate rather than blunt and callous. I would rather be thoughtful than thoughtless.
I find in situations where people call me "overly sensitive", it's less that I'm "too" sensitive and more that they are being rather insensitive towards myself and likely towards others.
As for being too intense - yes, that can be intimidating, but it can also be balanced out by having some common sense and boundaries. You can be someone who feels emotions very deeply and very strongly and not be intense. Having a depth of feelings doesn't mean that you should feel less or that you will automatically overstep on people's boundaries.
Some things that may be considered "intense" or crossing boundaries:
- Texting people several times in a row, multiple times throughout the day, without waiting for a response back
- Getting upset and railing on someone because they don't always respond via text/call immediately after you text/call them
- Taking "no" to mean "try harder"
- Expecting someone to meet with you every day regardless of other life responsibilities they have
- Not respecting when someone wants/needs some alone time
But having a crush on someone doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong or that you're feeling "too much". Having BIG feelings isn't bad. Having BIG feelings towards someone isn't bad. You're allowed to have crushes. You're allowed to flirt. You're allowed to ask if someone wants to get a cup of coffee with you.
However, I do totally understand feeling exhausted about how much time someone may take up space in your thoughts, lol. But maybe if you accepted your feelings more instead of fighting them or only trying to suppress them, that feeling might actually become easier to deal with? So maybe you could start practicing some mindfulness surrounding this? Mindfulness inherently involves a component of not judging yourself for how you're feeling. So, for example, when you start thinking a lot about a crush, instead of getting frustrated and purposefully trying to get over the crush, you could instead just affirm how you're feeling. Like: "I sure am thinking about [Person] a whole lot. I have a crush on them, and that's fine! However, right now, I do need to work on my homework, so maybe tonight I will enjoy these feelings more, but right now I will focus and get my math done." Then take some deep breaths, maybe do five minutes of stretching if you can, and get on with whatever you're trying to do.
If you felt ready to do so, you might also try acting on your feelings instead of suppressing or rejecting them. Just starting by talking to someone and getting to know them more would be a fine way to start. =)