Well,you are right,I am from Croatia,but I didn't want this to be public.Cause someone might recognize me,since all the experience I went through and am going through,such as being trans and 100 other things,isn't very common to happen to many people,so I didn't say it,thinking people won't know who I really am.But now you kinda said it.OR IS IT MY FAULT? DID I MENTION IT SOMEWHERE? CAUSE IF I DID I APOLOGIZE SOOO SOOO MUCH!!
Well,late in development,as kinda starting puberty in terms of mental development at around age of 17.And even when I was 18,I didn't know anything sexual.I didn't know where my clitoris was,I thought when a woman is pregnant a baby that started life in uterus travels from uterus to a belly where food is.I also thought that heterosexual sex looked like just man putting a penis in vagina without movements,like just staying there calmly with penis in vagina for 5 minutes in it.I didn't know where G spot was,either.I didn't know a cis man needs an erection for sex or masturbation, to be able to cum.At 22 I had a sex toy (a big dildo) but I didn't know I was supposed to put lubricant on it so I just pushed it raw inside,and pushed,and pushed,even though I have very tight vagina and the dildo was wide and long. And what happened is - I started to bleed.Then I stopped bleeding after like half an hour.Next hour started again.Stopped again.And like that,every other hour,for like 4 to 5 days.
I read dealing with rape but there are many facts but no advices on how to not think about the assault every day,like I do.
Yeah,I am seeing a psychiatrist who is also at the same time a therapist,specialized as a sexual therapist.We are talking about my anorgasmia for more then a year,my depression for about 3 years,psychosis for 2 years,we also talked about my disfunctional family (my shrink said it was at the time,now it probably isn't anymore),about transphobia from my father who wanted to disown me for being trans,yelled at me,insulted me and at one point,when I was eating,and he was sitting at a table too,another fight occurred and he told me "then stop eating my food".My grandparents were even worse: "a freak", "you'll never be a real man", "hide yourself cause guests are coming", "you can't go public with us,we would be embarrassed" and even worse to my mum,they verbally abused my mum to the point she almost broke.One time,me and dad had another fight,and he told me to leave the kitchen and I refused so he grabbed for my hoodie/jacket,whatever it's called,and started to push me around the kitchen,then my brother and mum came and tried to stop him and mum yelled at me: "get out of the kitchen!" I was misgendered every day.
All the things I went through since I was 16: depression,social anxiety,having no friends,frequent fights with my parents,transphobia,epilepsy,rape,gastric issues,sexual abuse,2 serious suicide attempts,intensive care hospital ward and hooked up to everything medical after them,very very strong gender dysphoria,borderline personality disorder,psychosis,a lot of guilt,still no friends,mental hospital 6 times,being drugged and robbed,biphobia,being verbally abused in hospital,got lost in the woods,being in an abusive relationship,in another relationship where I was lied to and verbally harrassed.....That's a lot to take in for someone who was still in development. (Sorry,the things I mentioned are not in order)