Hi Lucy4, a curiosity to clarify, are you saying that you haven't come across folks who are asexual who haven't tried sexual things before to "work that out"? There are asexual/aromatic folks who haven't done things that way, so even if those labels don't feel right for you and your interior experience, you may find people who have faced similar issues with the prevailing cultural narratives around sex and relationships and felt erased by their oversimplification of the broad range of human experience, and in that sense, who have a similar perspective to you that you may feel a connection with in spaces that label themself as such.
Have you checked out the AVEN forums
before? It might be a useful resource for you, as may their website, for the reasons described above. In fact, this poster here says in a post
" I absolutely wouldn't like asexuality to be considered the only acceptable or thinkable reason for celibacy, or - starting from the other side - wouldn't want celibacy to be considered something possible only for asexuals... I do think that dismantling sex normativity is more important because it would be beneficial to everyone affected by it, whether asexual or not.
". There are other similar conversations on there that I think may resonate with what you have said and you may find interesting, as the forums are not exclusively for people who identify as aro/ace (but importantly, are an affirming and safe space for aro/ace folks).
If you have any questions, thoughts or curiosities you would like to share on this we are of course happy to hear them, or if you would like some other resources please let us know.