I'm sorry to hear that you've had a family member deny that part of you. I've had that same thing happen between me and my mom, and can also relate to being able to talk through these things with my therapist. Did her saying this to you make you feel invalidated, or just bad/hurt in general? Are these conversations with your therapist helpful, or generally feel nice to have? (I hope so!)
Do you feel like you need to tell your mom about this stuff? How would you want to start that conversation?
If that was the case, it kind of makes getting bullied even worse because I couldn't pick up on what was going on.
I totally get that. I understand feeling appalled at the naivety of your younger self in this case because I imagine it must have made it easier for people with bad intentions to take advantage of that. I hope, however, that you're able to find some way to be kinder to your younger self because it wasn't your fault, and even if it was, there's no excuse for other people to hurt you if you didn't hurt them first.
I feel like I should stress that I don't think autism is anything to be ashamed of, some of my best friends are on the spectrum, which at the same time feels a little unfair that I was able to grow out of it.
It sounds like you're experiencing survivor's guilt, or something similar to it. Of course autism is nothing to be ashamed of, but at the same time, it makes sense that you feel bad for these friends given your experiences with being bullied. I imagine that on some level, there is both relief and discomfort at recognizing the ways that people you care about can relate to your pain.
I don't think any of us here at Scarleteen is qualified to help you with your diagnosis (not that you were asking), but I will wish you luck in being able to identify your needs so that you can find the best way to navigate them.