I totally get that. I understand feeling appalled at the naivety of your younger self in this case because I imagine it must have made it easier for people with bad intentions to take advantage of that. I hope, however, that you're able to find some way to be kinder to your younger self because it wasn't your fault, and even if it was, there's no excuse for other people to hurt you if you didn't hurt them first.If that was the case, it kind of makes getting bullied even worse because I couldn't pick up on what was going on.
It sounds like you're experiencing survivor's guilt, or something similar to it. Of course autism is nothing to be ashamed of, but at the same time, it makes sense that you feel bad for these friends given your experiences with being bullied. I imagine that on some level, there is both relief and discomfort at recognizing the ways that people you care about can relate to your pain.I feel like I should stress that I don't think autism is anything to be ashamed of, some of my best friends are on the spectrum, which at the same time feels a little unfair that I was able to grow out of it.
Whenever I think about trying to 'get over' the things that happened to me in the past, I think 'dwelling' on the issue - thinking about what happened, how it made you feel, how it affected your life and relationships, etc. - is how we 'get over' things. So it makes sense to me that you're combing through these experiences in this way.She also says that I shouldn't try to dwell on it too long since it was in the past. I do agree with her, but at the same time, it is a relatively new thing to process.
Do you want to talk about it?She never really witnessed the way I got bullied in school, and I never really talked about it. In all fairness, there were times I didn't even realize that I was being bullied.
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