I figured it'd be something to that effect. I agree that the whole "orgasm gap" framework isn't really that great to begin with for the reasons you mentioned.
My girlfriend and I had already discussed her concerns a bit together, and a lot of it also ties into her personal anxieties and dysphoria and self-judgement so that complicates things. We did somewhat come to a resolution for those conversations, where I acknowledged and tried to validate her experience and we both committed to being more aware and considerate and communicative during sex. For the record she has had an orgasm almost every time we've done it, and it's not like a clear cut thing, it's like a combination of her personal worries and intrusive thoughts and specific issues with how things sometimes have gone. Like, sometimes it would start as talking about the time we had sex and she felt this or that about it and then it would go into her general feelings about herself and her sexual "performance" and I feel like the dysphoria and impostor syndrome can bleed into actual concerns and vice versa.
To be clear also, I'm pretty sure some of this is my anxiety blowing her one-off statements out of proportions, since overall she has stated many times that she is satisfied with how things go with us and when we've done it that's the case, and aside from like the 2 times she has ever mentioned this stuff it's never been brought up or supported by anything else she's said. Her saying that she felt a particular way about a thing because of the implications and her anxieties reflecting back on it, isn't the same as having any sort of "complaint" about how sex goes between us overall or that I'm not pleasing/satisfying her/that there's an imbalance.
We haven't had sex in ages since we haven't been able to meet up physically for some time now, and right now she's trying to get through a prolonged depersonalization/derealization so long-distance/virtual sex activities and discussions are off the table for now.
I had wanted to have more in-depth conversations about it and about sex in general but I hadn't found a good time to initiate it, and now it's kind of impossible. Once she's in a place where she can fully process and experience her own thoughts and emotions, then maybe we can have some more conversations. And even then it's all weirdly complicated by the fact that we don't have many opportunities to physically act on these things so a lot of it is just hypothetical and emotionally driven until we get a chance to be physically together again.
"~Take a moment to think of just~"
~flexibility, love, and trust~"