Hi 0PT1M15T1C,
I've been through the same practice and training of mindfulness to get through flashbacks and traumatic experiences, and I sympathize with you! I didn't really understand the point at first or how it was supposed to help me. Over time I've started to better understand it and maybe I can add a little more that your therapist may not have mentioned.
A major component of mindfulness - one that doesn't always get emphasized, depending on who is teaching it - is awareness of the body. Have you heard of the mind-body connection? It's the idea that our minds/thoughts/feelings are influenced by what's happening throughout our body, and vice versa. If we accept this idea, then it makes sense to incorporate paying attention to our body at the same time as we're trying to be mindful of thoughts.
The reason this concept was so impactful on my healing from trauma, and why I imagine your therapist thinks it will be helpful to you, was the understanding that something can trigger a physical manifestation of anxiety in your body (e.g. a rush of adrenaline, general edginess, worry) and then *after* that your mind will be like "hmm, I feel anxious. Something must be wrong. What could it be?" Of course, the same thing can happen in the other direction. We can have a nervous thought and then our body starts producing the same anxious feeling.
A key idea of mindfulness is to recognize that just because your body is feeling one way doesn't mean your thoughts have to follow. You can detach, in some cases and with practice, your thoughts from your physical body feelings. I say with practice because after all, you are trying to re-wire the habits that your brain has been in for years and years. So it makes sense that you're feeling frustrated; it won't happen overnight.
When your therapist asks you to notice that you "feel suffering" or that it's just "in this moment", consider bringing a LOT more awareness to how your body is feeling. What does your body feel like? Are you feeling anxious or edgy? Is your heart racing? Just notice that.
Once you notice those things you can bring your awareness to the situation at hand and your thoughts. You may be feeling anxious and having nervous-making thoughts or flashbacks, but in that moment, you're actually safe; it's your body triggering this anxiety process unnecessarily.
To be completely clear, I'm not saying your body or mind are doing anything wrong! After all, you really
were in danger for a long time, and your body and brain had to learn ways to keep you safe - part of which included keeping your awareness of potential threats up. But now that you're spending most (all?) of your time away from your stalker/abuser, you can start to help your body/brain learn that it doesn't need to be anxious all the time. In other words, taking it from an 8 to a 4/10.
Again, I want to reiterate that all of your feelings and worries make sense given what you've been through. Of course you have anxious thoughts and bodily feelings connected to each other. Going forward, you can thank your body for doing its best to keep you safe from harm, *and* let it know that it's safe now.
A book you may find helpful is "
The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. He covers the science and research behind the connection between mind and body in trauma, and multiple ways of treating it.
Does that help to clarify what your therapist might be aiming for? Maybe you could ask them more about it next time you speak to them.