Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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- Sexual identity and orientation: Greysexual
- Location: USA
I've experienced sexual assault before, but this is different. In the past I said no and while I had kissed the guy who did it before we weren't in a relationship or anything. My boyfriend of almost 3 years and I have never had sex or done many sexual things. I've also expressed that I don't enjoy anything sexual. There have been several times when we're watching TV or off doing our own thing and he'll pull out his penis and grab my hand and put it down there. He's not agressive but if I were to move my hand up or not not reach all the way down he'll grab my hand again and put it on his penis. While he doesn't express that he wants a handjob I feel like it's pretty obvious that's what he wants and I feel obligated to do so even though I don't want to. I usually try to talk about things that wouldn't turn anybody on in hopes he'll stop but it doesn't work. I guess I don't know what to do. He's a great guy overall but this bothers me, and again, I've expressed that I don't like doing anything sexual. I don't know if this is considered assault or what.
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- Age: 26
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- Primary language: English
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- Sexual identity and orientation: pansexual
- Location: Boston, MA
The short answer is, no you are NOT being dramatic! And I’m sorry you are dealing with this. From this article
, “It is sexual assault ANY time one person does not want to be engaging in any kind of sex and another person does it to them anyway without their consent and against their will.” You have expressed very clearly that you are not interested in engaging in sexual activities, and yet he moves your hand without asking and with expectation of doing something sexual - that sounds aggressive to me. The fact that he doesn’t verbally communicate his desires with you makes it worse in that it doesn’t even open a conversation or space for you to voice your needs and feelings.
Would you feel safe/comfortable starting a direct conversation with him about how this makes you feel and that he needs to stop? If you want to bring up consent and how his actions ignore your lack of consent, this article on navigating consent
is very helpful.