i want to ask because i don't know if it's valid that i was left traumatised from things that weren't forceful penetration or someone ripping clothes off me.
so if attempting to touch someone's breast, cornering someone, dry humping someone, and initiating a kiss with someone unwilling counts as SA then i am a victim of it. if it doesn't i'm scared that this is just normal and that i should've enjoyed it, but it made me feel dirty, disgusted, shut off from the world, not wanting this kind of attention and contact: "if this is how people show love then i don't want to" i thought after these things happened to me.
also my mum dismisses this saying that i got left traumatised by a little thing. she hasn't told me worse things, luckily, but it still played a part in making me think i had no right to be so shook by what happened.
it's true that up until this year i was still repulsed from physical touch as a love language, but i gradually started getting over it. and when i tell someone that i was SAed i don't tell them the details as they are triggering for me and could be for the person as well.
and also i wonder, why did i still hang around with the first boy who did this to me, when the first instances of him trying to touch me and pass it off as an accident were when we were 11, and then the actual SA happened when i was 14. and now i try to avoid him as much as possible, although at times i'm forced to see him due to both our families. it hurts and i'm conflicted on giving him any forgiveness, but probably i won't cos he never truly apologised for anything and if in the past he tried to he never considered my feelings but only his actions.
(the second boy i had lost contact with anyways and i blocked him)