Sam W wrote:Hi LovePineapples,
I think you're right that this reaction is linked with trauma or anxiety, and I'm so sorry that's something you're dealing with. I'm glad you've been getting support from a counselor and a psychologist, as you deserve all the support you can get in your healing process. Have you mentioned the sudden pain during orgasm to them at all? If so, has either of them had any suggestions? And have you ever spoken to a gynecologist or other healthcare provider about the issue?
Too, just to check in and see how you're feeling, has your boyfriend told you he's planning to leave or unhappy with you? Or is it more you feel like the relationship has hit it's natural ending point?
Sam W wrote:You're welcome! It's awesome that you've been so proactive in asking healthcare providers for help around all this. It may just be a matter of time and letting things like the antidepressants and counseling help you with that anxiety (as a heads up, some antidepressants can have sexual side effects for some people). However, there may also be some other things you can try. Has your counselor given you any tools for survivors who are experiencing difficulties during masturbation or sex? If so, have any of those been any help?
That sounds like a rough spot to be in with your boyfriend. How are you feeling about the relationship? Is it something that makes you happy and respected? Or is it mainly anxiety inducing at this point?
Sam W wrote:You're very welcome!
In that case, would you feel comfortable asking your counselor for resources for survivors who are working on re-connecting with their sexuality? And if you haven't seen it already, this article on the main site might offer some things to try: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/abus ... after_rape.
It sounds like you're trying to be really understanding and supportive of your boyfriend, which is such a kind impulse. Do you feel like he extends the same treatment to you? In other words, does he also try to be kind and understanding? Or does he act cold and dissatisfied while you try to keep the relationship in one piece?
/Mo wrote:It's good to hear that things are going better, but I'm a bit worried that he's still being distant and cold with you a lot of the time. You seem very aware of the things he's going through and the fact that he needs support, which is wonderful, but you need and deserve support and affection as well! Have you been able to talk about this imbalance with him? If so, what has his response been?
Do I feel loved, liked and/or cared for? Do I feel valued?
Siân wrote:Hi there LovePineapples,
It's really tough when someone you love is going through some things which impact you and your relationship. I've been there, believe me. I know how important it feels to persevere and try to weather the storm until things get better.
The thing is, we can't love someone better, whatever our favourite books and films might have us believe. The only person who can change your boyfriends feelings, and his behaviour towards you, is your boyfriend. It's hard work and he has to choose to do it. From what you've said so far you've talked a lot about the things you are doing to try and make some change in your relationship, to make sure he wants to stick around but nothing about what he is doing to make sure that the relationship is working for you, too.
Have a read of this: Does Your Relationship Need a Checkup? I wonder in particular how you answer these questions from the final section:Do I feel loved, liked and/or cared for? Do I feel valued?
Trust: Is my friend or partner trustworthy, and do I trust them? Can they say the same for me? Do we both keep each other's confidences and honor our agreements? Are we both respecting boundaries instead of pushing them? Are we doing things to gradually build trust? Is it okay that it's taking time to build trust? Do we both understand the difference between trust and control, and are we sure to avoid trying to control one another or keep tabs on each other in a way that's not healthy or within reason?
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests