Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2020 4:53 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I rock climb and I make art!
- Primary language: English
- Preferred pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity and orientation: queer
- Location: Seattle
This is my first post ever, so I hope that I'm posting in the right forum!
Anyways, I was hoping to get some advice from y'all. I have a history of sexual assault/rape and it's greatly impacted my sexuality. I'm in my mid-twenties and am still a virgin because the thought of penetration has been too triggering for me. HOWEVER, I'm dating a man right now and for the first time in my life, I feel safe and turned on in a sexual setting with a man! This is really great, but also really confusing-- I really want to see him naked and sleep with him, but I also recognize that there are still unhealed parts of me that wouldn't be ok with that. The guy knows about my history of sexual violence and respects my boundaries, so the problem isn't him-- it's me. I finally feel safe enough to explore my sexuality with a man and so I want to do EVERYTHING with him, but I also know that I can't right now...I'm wondering if any of y'all have experienced anything similar and if so, do you have any words of wisdom? How did you respect your own boundaries after sexual assault while also exploring your sexuality?
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 1999
- Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
- Primary language: English
- Preferred pronouns: he/him, they/them
- Sexual identity and orientation: queer/bisexual
Hi babywitchdoctor, and welcome to Scarleteen.
I'm sorry to hear that you've had those experiences of sexual assault, but it is great that you're in a relationship right now where you feel safe and respected; that's really wonderful. I don't know if you've seen this recent advice column or not, but if not, I think it would be a great place to start: Sex After Rape: Where Do I Begin?