NO MEANS NO! My hope is that all girls read this

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
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Okie
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NO MEANS NO! My hope is that all girls read this

Unread postby Okie » Sat Aug 08, 2020 12:28 pm

This happened three years ago but I didn't realize what he did was wrong. I blamed myself for all of it until I told a good friend about what happened, and now I see that it was all his fault.
I was 14, he was 17, and my friends knew about him but my parents didn't. I went out with him a few times, we fooled around a little but nothing crazy. He asked if I was a virgin and he asked how far I had gone, and my answer was yes and not much.
A couple weeks later and he wanted to join me in my bedroom. We texted back and forth until I finally agreed as he wouldn't take NO for an answer. Had to wait another hour for my parents to go to bed, and after that I was able to get him thru the bedroom window without them knowing.
At first we would stick with kissing and some light touching, but he started going over this limit. He started asking if we could have sex, and I said no. Minutes later he then asked if he could go down on me, and he asked this many times! He was all nice and polite with the way he was asking, nothing forceful. I got tired of saying no so I let him do it. Him going down on me was embarrassing and uncomfortable, but I tried to enjoy the moment.
5 minutes later and I had him stop because I didn't want to have an orgasm. Right after this was when he asked if he could put it in me for a moment. He said it's not really sex because it would just be in me for a moment. No was my answer, just like all the other times I said no, but he again wouldn't take no for an answer. So yes, I let him put it in me me for a moment, and I did this because I wanted him to leave as I didn't want my parents knowing he was in my room. No condom was used because he said one wasn't needed. A minute later and he took it out, I am sure he wanted more but I was done playing with him and I wanted him gone! He gave me a kiss and left.
He told my friends that I had sex with him, my one friend at the time congratulated me for losing my virginity. I made it look like I was happy and that I enjoyed it, and I made it look like I was happy with being with him.
A few weeks later and we had full blown sex. I did it because I already lost my virginity with him and I did it because my friends believed we were doing it. It was nothing magical or enjoyable, it wasn't painful but it wasn't pleasurable either. We did use a condom, but I was constantly worried that it would break.
A week or so later and we had an argument about something and he yelled at me and said that I wasn't a good lay anyway. A few days later and he was already kissing another girl.
Three years later and I now see that he just wanted my virginity. He played this nice guy role and acted like a non-sexual relationship was okay. It was 100% reverse psychology.
Lesson learned.

Alexa
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Re: NO MEANS NO! My hope is that all girls read this

Unread postby Alexa » Sun Aug 09, 2020 8:14 am

Hey Okie,

I'm so sorry that your "no" was ignored and that you were pressured into sex. That is never okay.

I'm glad that you no longer feel as though this was your fault -- it absolutely wasn't! His behavior was manipulative and coercive and that's not on you at *all.*

Thank you for sharing your story here. <3 If you want to talk more about how this makes you feel now, or other things it brings up for you, we are here.

For anyone else reading this who wants to learn more about consent, we have a great Quickie that links to a number of consent-related articles on and beyond our site.
Alexa K.
Scarleteen Team


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