Hi guys.
Im new even though Im thirty something Im confused. i see myself as a man,I have not gender issues. its my sexual life or preferences that dont seem to git into any category at the moment.
I will start from the beginning. as a kid I grew up admiring women beauty,and I was sexually around by their atributtes very early on 5 o 6 eyars old I think... I was never atracted to men but I had some curiosity for the male organ.A mix of feelings curiosity and disgust.
I was never the kind of guy that sees an atractive woman and visualizes intercourse. My fantasies were mostly touching them and them touching me.
I started to consume porn and got fascinated or obessed with oral sex.I found it gross to give it to a woman but I loved porn of women giving oral to men.
I eventualy started to have sex with women,very late cause I was very shy.Around 18.It was something I mainly did pressured in some way,cause thats what you are suposed to do. I really didnt feel the urge of inserting myself in a womans body. As time went by I started to like intercourse and I enjoyed it a great deal ith some relationships I had.
I never enjoyed giving oral to women.I just did it for their pleasure.It disgusts me.
At some point I started to have impotence episodes with girls. I think it was because of too much masturbation and somehow not feelin confortable with intercourse.Maybe the pressure of satisfying her,maybe the smell was gross,or I was too drunk or insensitive because of the masturbation...maybe a mix of all those things.
I was still obsessd with recieving oral sex. I started watching more and more oral sex porn.I stopped meeting girls cause I didnt want to fail in bed and get embarrased.Also the questions on why I dont like to perform oral sex on them ..like something was wrong with me implying maybe I was gay.
At some point I developed curiosity on performing oral on a man and I did. At first I didnt like it or dislike it. But over time I really got into it.
Today...I dont like men at all,dont like be touched by men,kiss or anything. I dont like anal sex with women or men.Ihave only watched heterosexual porn all my life.
All these sexual experience go hadn in ahnd with a personal growth where now I see sex more in the sense of reproduction and a very intimate experience that I dont like to share with just any woman. I dont see myself inserting myself into someones body I barely know or waking up int he bed of someone I dont care.But Im a very independent man,in the sense that Im not interested in a relationship with a woman. So I love women,their boies their voice,everything. But I dont want to have intercourse with them as a one night stand,Im not interested ina relationship either. My ideal exccenario would be a friendship witha girl I feel atracted,that includes affection,touching hugs,kissing,not sure if only cheeks or mouth tooo.and she masturbating and giving me oral. As formen..Im not intered in relationships or sexual encounters at all,I dont find them atractive,I dont want any afection towards them or them touching any part of my body.the only thing Im interested is giving them oral.
I think of myself as heterosexual,cause Im not atracted to men I cant call myself bi at the moment.and I still apreciate and atracted to women.
Lately I see myself growing to be a bit asexual. I consume very little porn compared to years ago. I dont feel the urge of meeting men and give them oral the way I used to. And I also dont feel the need of touching women or recieve oral from them as intense as before.
If you could tell me what category I belong to or if Im too eird.
Obviously its difficult for me to find a woman willing to have a friendship where we dont have sex and she gives me oral while I dont reciprocate. Women seem to look at oral ex as only a ay do get back what they want. On the other side men giving oral to men do it only for the pleasure of doin it,not necesarily expecting intercourse in return. But I dont like to recieve oral from a man.
Im in thise weird situation. Most people I talk in chat try to convince me that Im gay in denial.But thats not the case,I simply dont like men touching me or their bodys,I love women touching me,I dont like giving oral to them or intercourse with and I like giving oral to men.
Regarding my relationsips I always felt like the sweet caring sensitive of the couple,wich is weird.I dont know if those are stereotypes of men or womn behavior but i have always been like that,sweet caring sensitive but so in love with women.Im a titty boy and adicted to porn.But in so many ways I relate more to women than men.I dont have transexual tendencies but I relly would like to develop friendships with women. The problem is Im very atractive so I cant be the kind of friend they telll everything or the gay friend.There too much tension they feel my desire and I feel theirs so the friendship cant last.the problem is i dont want to find myself again in the situation of being forced to penetrate a woman so she doesnt think Im gay or tell anybody then try and not get it up.Or just because Im suposed to do it and I have to u know...
I wish I could find a woman so sweet and caring able to give me love affection and pleasure me sexually with masturbationa nd orally a woman that understands Im not confortable with intercourse or oral sex to her but I can bring so many morethins to the relationship.love afection loyalty caring.