Sexual Identity Questioning - Need Advice

Questions and discussion about your sexuality and how it's a part of who you are as a person.
golden&lab
not a newbie
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri May 05, 2023 7:29 pm
Age: 18
Awesomeness Quotient: my eyes
Primary language: english
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Sexual identity: straight
Location: canada

Sexual Identity Questioning - Need Advice

Unread post by golden&lab »

Hi there,

I think I have been attracted to females all my life but I had shut down any of those feelings that I have had. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because of this because I had not felt that spark the way I had with female crushes.. And I think it was unfair to stay in that relationship because of that.

Since I was attracted to him, I would consider myself bisexual. But I was still unsure. One of my really close male friends suggested I try watching lesbian porn to see if I was attracted to females, so I gave it a shot. And while I was interested it took me longer to orgasm than it has with male-female porn. (Not that I watch a lot of porn, but the few handfuls I've seen).

Is there something wrong with me? I figured if I was attracted to females, I'd be able to orgasm in the same time or quicker.
Latha
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 419
Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 6:13 am
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Queer
Location: India

Re: Sexual Identity Questioning - Need Advice

Unread post by Latha »

Hello there, golden&lab

Oh no, there isn't anything wrong with you. The time you take to orgasm while watching lesbian porn is not the litmus test for whether you are attracted to women. Really, I don't think -being able to orgasm in the same time or quicker- is a very good benchmark anyway.

If you are looking for evidence of your attraction to women, I'd point to that spark you experienced with female crushes- that is a pretty solid indicator. There is also the fact that you were interested in the porn- together with that spark, that does point strongly to the possibility that you are attracted to women.

You know, the gender of the actors isn't the only thing that impacts someone's enjoyment of porn- other factors include their attraction to the actors, the activities that they are doing, the filming style... But also, how fast you orgasm isn't an exact measurement of how interesting a sexual activity is, or how attractive your partner is to you.

Does this make sense?
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