Here’s my current feelings:
I’m 14, straight, and male. However, I’d really like to wear a skirt - in fact a full outfit, panties and a bra with water balloons in it, skirt and blouse, socks and shoes, maybe a wig and some makeup, and a black leather collar, locked with a padlock. See, I’m also a bdsm submissive, and i’d like to be owned, by a girl. This desire seems to be heavily linked with my desire to dress like a girl. I identify as male but I think I want to be an owned girl.The thought of the female clothing being locked in my body turns me on as well. While dressed I would use she/her pronouns.
Here’s where it gets interesting; I’ve never really had physical fantasies. I have little to no interest in actual sex or sexual activity. I can get hard from thoughts of being owned and dressing as a girl, but when i try to masturbate i feel nothing - as such I have never orgasmed. One masturbation method somewhat works: I can rub the head of my penis with my hands in my pockets, kinda pushing it back and forth between the two hands. it sends rushes of painful/frustrating pleasure through my penis, but it’s not a particularly enjoyable feeling, i’ve only managed to do it very occasionally, and it has never lead to orgasm, i just went soft again.
for these reasons i’ve considered that i might be asexual, kinda, getting horny off of relationships rather than physical stuff. but now for yet another plot twist; i do find some girls attractive based on their appearance. because of that and my sort-of-wanking, i’m not so sure.
The reason I described my current feelings and desires in so much detail is because I want to know if this is a thing. Anyone else with the same, or at least similar, feelings to me? Is there a word for it? If there’s anyone else who feels this way, have you ever orgasmed? If so, how? I feel like I’m lost on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, and I’d really appreciate a big ship coming and showing me the way to the island where I belong - because i don’t think the mainland is where i belong. Hope that makes sense. Thank you in advance!