My twin sister won't talk to me anymore and my older sister is always angry at me. I'm really scared and afraid of my older sister because she hates lgbt people. I have no one to talk to about this. I have no friends online and I have no friends in real life. I feel alone hopeless and depressed. I hate myself. I am afraid. Please help.Sam W wrote: ↑Sat Mar 19, 2022 7:46 am Hi Shypixie,
I'm so sorry your sister has created this situation, and that you're living in a space where you know you don't have the freedom to safely explore those questions you have about your sexual orientation.
Has anyone's behavior towards you changed since you overheard that conversation? And do you have a relationship with your sister where you could address this with her directly?
HiSam W wrote: ↑Mon Mar 21, 2022 6:54 am I'm so sorry that your sisters are not only unsupportive but, in at least one case, actively hostile towards you. When you combine that with how isolated it sounds like you are, I completely understand how you're feeling so low. I have a few different suggestions about how to address this that I'm going to lay out, and you can kind of pick and choose which ones we talk about right now, okay?
You mention that you feel pretty scared right now. Is that fear tied to something that's already happening, or is it more things you're afraid might happen?
Would you feel safe talking to your mom directly and saying something like, "I overheard sister telling you I'm a lesbian. I don't know where she got that idea but it's not true." Importantly, would you feel able to have that conversation even though you ARE in the process of questioning your sexuality? I try not advocate lying, but when your family creates an environment where it's not safe for you to be out as LGBT or even explore that as an option, you have to do what you can to keep yourself safe.
I think it would also help you a lot to find some supports outside your family. Do you want to talk about how to find those spaces, and hopefully some friends, offline and online? And with those really negative feelings towards yourself, do they come from a certain source or focus on a certain part of you?
I haven't talked to my mom yet. But I plan on talking to my mom tonight.Sofi wrote: ↑Tue Mar 29, 2022 3:26 pm Hi shypixie, have you had a chance to talk to your mom about it?
Regarding making friends, there are some great online spaces for queer folks we can suggest, is that something you're interested in? In person, a good way to make friends is with something in common - you can join a club or group of something you like, such as a hobby, sport, or anything really! You can use sites like Meetup, for example, to find such groups.
I'm sorry you're feeling so down about your identity, I promise you are normal and worthy regardless of your orientation. It's hard to let go of past pain from bullying, so it's understandable that you're feeling this way, but would it be possible to work on some self love so you can accept yourself and see your value regardless of what anyone says? For now, I'm going to link some super helpful articles on our site, please give them a read and let us know what resonated with you or if you have any questions about any of it:
Q is for Questioning
The Answers (for Now)
Straight, Gay and Everything in Between: On Sexual Fluidity
Thanks you so much.Carly wrote: ↑Wed Mar 30, 2022 2:33 pm Hey shypixie -- I'm so sorry your sister outted you to your mom without your consent. I agree that talking with your mom sounds like an important thing to do. If you see this in time, you may want to check out Becoming Out: a totally non-exhaustive, step by step guide to coming out for some tips about preparation and aftercare for having a tough conversation about sexuality. I think the "What Happens Next?" section would be the most relevant to you. I also want to link you to Trans Summer School: When Things Go Wrong - though this article is geared more towards those who are exploring their gender in new ways, coming out as transgender, or transitioning I think there's some good stuff here about when you're concerned about the consequences of coming out in a potentially dangerous or unwelcoming environment. I hope these help a little - good luck tonight with your mom!
As for finding places online where you can meet friends, I agree with Sofi - it's a great idea to first look at your hobbies and interests and see if there are any groups or communities you can be a part of. A lot of cities also have city specific groups on Facebook or other platforms exclusively for LGBTQ+ people. I've seen them usually in the format of "(city) Queer Exchange."
I am not sure which labels feel right to me. I think maybe bisexual or pansexual.Sam W wrote: ↑Thu Mar 31, 2022 9:43 am Hi shypixie,
So, the difference between those terms comes from people differentiating between romantic and sexual attraction. For some people, that's a really noticeable difference in how they experience desire, but for others it's a small to negligible one. So, that's why you'll see those two terms pop up.
From what you're describing it, it sounds like you experience attraction to multiple genders. That certainly falls under the definition of bisexual, but it can also be described through labels like pansexual or queer. When you look at those labels, does any given one feel right to you? If not, what makes it feel like none of them apply to you?
It's tricky, because ultimately you're the expert on your sexuality, and coming to understand it is a process you have to go through internally. There's also the fact that some people have a very strong sense of their sexual orientation that doesn't change throughout their lives, while others experience a lot of fluidity. The way I often encourage people to think out it is that we can't predict the future, and that the way we describe our sexual orientation is based on the best information we have about ourselves at the time. Sometimes that information changes as we go through life and the way we label our orientation changes with it. That doesn't mean we were "wrong" when we used the previous label; it just means we've learned something new about ourselves. Does that make sense?
Thank you so much. I talked to my mom about the situation. She said she doesn't remember my older sister telling her anything bad about me. But I'm afraid because my older sister is bullying me. She always makes mean comments about the lgbt community. I'm feeling sad and anxious all the time.Emily N wrote: ↑Thu Mar 31, 2022 3:46 pm It’s more than fine not to know which label feels right! Like Sam said, our sexualities aren’t finite and unchangeable - as we go through life, we can decide which label feels better for us at the time (if any label). In deciphering what pansexual and bisexual mean, this article is great - “What’s This Bisexual/Pansexual Thing About, Anyway?” It mentions that “anything involving attraction to more than one gender to be under the umbrella of bisexuality”, and that pansexuality can sometimes be used when “gender doesn’t factor into their attraction”. In short, both bi and pansexual people can be attracted to people of all/no genders. You can also use both bi and pansexual, or multiple labels to describe yourself if it feels right.
Sexual attraction describes having sexual desire for another person (however you define sex). Romantic attraction describes feelings of love or connection that sometimes involve dates, intimate conversations, really however you want to define romantic. This article gives a bit more detail - "Friends or Lovers? The Complexities of Queer Love"
I haven't told anyone about this. My sister bullies me whenever my mom leaves the room and when she's not home. Thank you for your help! I will read the article soon. Also sorry for replying late.Sam W wrote: ↑Tue Apr 05, 2022 10:16 am Hi shypixie,
It really sucks that your sister has a pattern of bullying you, and that you end up feeling sad and anxious as a result. Have you told anyone else about her behavior? Does she doe it where other people can see or hear it or just when the two of you are alone?
I also want to give you this advice column, because I think some of the advice in here about getting through the day with a homophobic sibling could be helpful: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... lationship
I think the article is very helpful. I like the options to finding outlets for my emotions, becoming busy with hobbies, school, exercise, and creating a safety plan.Elise wrote: ↑Sun Apr 24, 2022 5:43 pm Hi there shypixie, I hope the article is helpful to you, and there is no need to apologies for the timing of your reply, we understand everyone has their own schedules, time it takes to consider our responses, and windows of time where they feel they can access our services safely.
I'm sorry to hear that your sister so persistently bullies you, and from reading your past posts, it sounds like this has been going on for a number of years. Is there someone in your life you can feel you can talk to this about, be they a friend, trusted doctor, counselor or similar? You are of course welcome (and encouraged) to keep talking to us here too, just having someone in our lives, who has some level of physical nearness/connection with us can assist with feeling safe.
This point is also covered and expanded on, along with lots of other resources and ideas in the article. If you feel comfortable sharing them with us, what are your thoughts on the article and the ideas within it? Are there some that feel like they'd work for you? Other's that you'd like to do but see a barrier to being able to (we could help with brainstorming options to overcome this).
Also may I ask if moving out of home is something that you'd like to do? If so, we're also able to assist with discussing how you could address/plan to address any of the barriers to this that you're currently facing.
Hi sorry again for replying so late. I have been feeling depressed and struggling with self harm urges.Carly wrote: ↑Wed Apr 27, 2022 7:03 am Hey shypixie -- You live with your sister, right? Those situations can be very complicated, here's how you can make a safety plan in that situation. It focuses more about feeling safe even if actually leaving is difficult. I also do not know how to drive or have a car, and I understand how much that complicates things - both logistically and emotionally. Do you have any public transportation in your area, like buses?
I think taking college classes online is a great idea, actually! It might give you something to focus on or distract you. You might even find that you're really interested in something you're studying and find a new hobby! It's ok if you don't know what you want to major in, "general education" type courses are offered in a variety of topics. Is there a community college that offers online courses near you? Generally those courses are much cheaper than a 4-year university and they may even offer programs that will give you job-specific training and education. If you do decide a major and want to go to a university for it, often times those classes you take at a community college will transfer and help you get your degree a little quicker and cheaper (but you have to check, that may not be the case everywhere).
Considering everything you've told us, here are my suggestions for hobbies that could help you sort through emotions that can be done at home: journaling, reading, drawing, painting, playing a video game (my fave is The Sims!), gardening/tending houseplants, keeping an aquarium, collaging, cooking or baking. Does any of that sound fun or something you'd like to try? Do you do any of this already?