Just sort of came out

Questions and discussion about your sexuality and how it's a part of who you are as a person.
SpicyLemon
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My Awesomeness Quotient: I can play the ukulele badly
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My sexual identity and orientation: Gay
Location: USA

Just sort of came out

Unread postby SpicyLemon » Sat Jan 23, 2021 7:28 pm

Hey everyone!

Right now I am taking a sociology class and I sort of came out to my class. For one of the discussion boards I drew on the fact that I'm gay. I liked everything that I wrote, but as soon as I hit submit a wave of panic went over me.

Right now I think I just want to talk to people about it. I'm sure my friends are probably cool with it, but I haven't come out to them yet and it's 9:30 right now so I don't want to bombard them with stuff right now.

Sorry if this post comes off as a little rambly.

Alexa
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Location: Chicago, IL

Re: Just sort of came out

Unread postby Alexa » Sun Jan 24, 2021 7:44 am

Hey SpicyLemon,

I think we've all had those moments where we put something out into the ether -- a text, an Insta post, a discussion board response -- and had a mini-panic-moment immediately after because we've bared our soul a bit. I definitely know the feeling!

When, how, & where you come out is always up to you. Any good friend will understand that and will be supportive.

Now that you've (hopefully) slept on it, how are you feeling?
Alexa K.
Scarleteen Team

SpicyLemon
not a newbie
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2021 7:22 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I can play the ukulele badly
My primary language: German and English
My pronouns: He/him, they/them, er/ihn/ihm are all fine
My sexual identity and orientation: Gay
Location: USA

Re: Just sort of came out

Unread postby SpicyLemon » Sun Jan 24, 2021 9:14 am

Hey Alexa, thanks for replying :).

Yeah, I have slept on it. My heart was racing for a while, but eventually I managed to get to sleep. I am feeling a lot better now, I think. I've known I'm gay for a while, but I'm only out to my immediate family. I think this is a good thing because I want to be more out.

I don't think anyone from the class will have an issue with it. I don't know, I still have this nagging feeling that something might go wrong. I think I'm going to work on coming out to my friends next. There is only one friend I have that I think might have an issue with it, but I guess you never know until you know.

Back in 2020, I volunteered to help out with teaching a German class. I remember whenever we talked about romantic relationships, I was making sure that whenever I personally acted out examples, I used "wife" or "girlfriend." I remember after class I felt awful about that because I felt I was not being genuine with myself.

I vowed after that that I would work to be more out (as long as it was safe, of course). It looks like this is the first step.

Alexa
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 159
Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: i make the world's best pancakes!
My primary language: English
My pronouns: she/her/ella
My sexual identity and orientation: queer, pansexual
Location: Chicago, IL

Re: Just sort of came out

Unread postby Alexa » Sun Jan 24, 2021 10:24 am

I so hear you. Talking around, hiding, or otherwise denying your sexuality can really make you feel conflicted & frankly, like crap. I've been there.

Have you read our article Becoming Out? It's such a good intro to exactly this kind of experience. One thing that I especially love to return to in the article is the first line:
I think being queer is one of the coolest things you can be, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.


Sometimes you can get so caught up in the stress of coming out, acceptance vs. intolerance, etc. that you forget to enjoy how COOL it is to be queer. It's such a unique community to be a part of. So make sure you're reveling in the joy of it while you navigate the stressful parts of the process, too <3

Are there any queer groups at your school or in your community that might help you navigate this in your community? It can give you your own lil queer fam, too, which is so nice.
Alexa K.
Scarleteen Team

SpicyLemon
not a newbie
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2021 7:22 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I can play the ukulele badly
My primary language: German and English
My pronouns: He/him, they/them, er/ihn/ihm are all fine
My sexual identity and orientation: Gay
Location: USA

Re: Just sort of came out

Unread postby SpicyLemon » Sun Jan 24, 2021 12:50 pm

Thanks for the article, I think it helped me out.

The community college I'm going to does have a pride club it looks like, but the description says it's on campus which is someplace I don't really want to go to due to the Corona cases where I live. They did have a facebook page set up for it, and I went there to see if they had any online meetings, but the last post was in 2017 so I'm not even sure if the club is still up and running.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
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My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
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My pronouns: she/her
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Location: Desert

Re: Just sort of came out

Unread postby Sam W » Mon Jan 25, 2021 8:05 am

Hi SpicyLemon,

Is there a way, either on Facebook or the information page, to message the pride club to see if they're meeting in person or if they're keeping things remote?

I also encourage you to check out your local LGBT center; even if the closest one is in the nearest big city, right now almost every LGBT center I've encountered is doing a lot of stuff online due to Covid-19, so there may be meet-ups and events you can attend remotely.

SpicyLemon
not a newbie
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2021 7:22 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I can play the ukulele badly
My primary language: German and English
My pronouns: He/him, they/them, er/ihn/ihm are all fine
My sexual identity and orientation: Gay
Location: USA

Re: Just sort of came out

Unread postby SpicyLemon » Wed Jan 27, 2021 4:04 pm

Hey Sam, thank you for replying. I apologize for not replying sooner, but life got in the way. I appreciate your response.

Yeah, I'm going to reach out to the person who is listed as in charge of the group, I just need to find a way to contact them. Thank you for the suggestion.

I found lgbtcenters.org, is that what you mean? Looking on there I don't see any close to me, but as you said I can see if they do any remote stuff.

I will say, now that I've had a few days to get myself together, I'm feeling much better. I just finished writing an essay for that class where I mentioned the fact that I'm gay and I felt so good writing about it.

Melamyl
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Re: Just sort of came out

Unread postby Melamyl » Thu Jan 28, 2021 4:24 am

Hi SpicyLemon, I hope you get in touch with that group successfully. We're on the same boat and I'm hoping to be more open to everyone I cherish, I wish I would have the same strength that you have though, on facing this issue that we all have here.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7287
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Just sort of came out

Unread postby Sam W » Thu Jan 28, 2021 8:41 am

Hi SpicyLemon,

No worries, we always want users to take conversations here at their own pace! I hope you're able to find a way to get in touch with the group. And I'm so glad you're feeling better about having come out to that class.

I really like CenterLink (which looks to be the org you found), and they tend to have comprehensive listings. Too, if you end up looking for places you can actually go in person once it's safe to do so, I often just search "my town" plus "LGBT" on Google to see what comes up. Searching Facebook and Instagram can also bring up smaller groups that maybe don't have their own center but still meet in or near where you live.


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