So, I'm ace, and I feel I am panromantic, but recently I've been thinking about it. I sometimes feel like I have a strong desire to be around a person, and I feel like if I was in a relationship with a person I could easily learn to love them, but I just don't feel that around many people? I want to be in a romantic relationship, but nobody I interact with I actually feel romantically attracted to. There's no one that I would be willing to ask out, and nobody has (or likely will) ask me out, as I am male and it is expected of me to be the initiator. I have no idea how to do this, or how to even recognize someone that I would love. I do think I have the ability to be romantically attracted to people, but I would need the relationship to begin as more of a close friendship with the possibility not shut off, or for them to interact with me a lot. This is especially difficult now that the pandemic is ongoing, I had difficulty attending social events before and always found myself out of the loop, but now I especially feel isolated. I'm 17 and have never felt like I truly romantically loved someone, I have felt the beginnings of it possible in the past, but I have never actually acted on those feelings, or allowed them to develop. I am already worried that I have not been in a relationship yet at this point in my life, but this especially pushes it. In addition, while I am decently sure I could fall in love with a man, I have a lot more difficulty imagining myself in a gay relationship than a straight one. I believe I could, but I find it hard to actually think of one. I think this might be internalized homophobia, or heteronormativity? But I don't know how to do that, and I don't know how to recognize that I am developing a crush on someone, or what that feels like, and I don't trust myself enough to believe I have a crush on someone or I am ready to start a relationship to let it develop. I worry that I am behind most other people on this, and that scares me. How do I do this? Is this normal to feel this way?