How did you 'figure out' your sexual identity?

Questions and discussion about your sexuality and how it's a part of who you are as a person.
violet.634
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How did you 'figure out' your sexual identity?

Unread post by violet.634 »

Basically just the title. Also, how do you know you have a crush on someone? Is it easy to tell?
Jacob
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Re: How did you 'figure out' your sexual identity?

Unread post by Jacob »

A big thing that helped me was getting rid of the 'default' identities I was sticking to because other people accused me of being 'not normal' before I had a chance to decide for myself. If you start off with 'I'm not gay!' because someone was homophobic, it makes things confusing. So a first step was saying "What if I don't play the game and tell those people it's not their business, or laugh at them when they question/accuse me"

I think from there my sexual identity had a bit more space to be something I explored for me!

With crushes, I'm probably not the best person because I'm always having crushes. If speaking to someone or seeing them interract with others makes me go "Wow!" and feels exciting, then boom, here comes another crush!
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
Mo
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Re: How did you 'figure out' your sexual identity?

Unread post by Mo »

You may find it helpful or interesting to read a collection of interviews I did with a few people about how they figured out their sexual orientation after a period of questioning or confusion. I don't think there's any one way to find out; some people have a bit of a lightbulb-turning-on moment and for others it's more of a gradual understanding, but I found that hearing other people's experiences was really helpful for me in my own process of figuring things out.

Like Jacob, I get crushes pretty easily and I'm very aware of it, so for me it's easy to tell, but something I've learned is that a "crush" is one word to describe a pretty wide range of feelings, and different people can experience them pretty differently. In general, I don't tend to have "celebrity crushes," only crushes on people I know personally to some extent, and for me the big tip-off that I'm feeling a crush is a strong desire to get closer to them, to know them better, or for them to want to get close to me.
thewrit3r
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Re: How did you 'figure out' your sexual identity?

Unread post by thewrit3r »

Sexuality has always been really tricky for me to nail down and I think part of the reason is that we live in such a binary world where it’s assumed you’re “straight” or “gay” (of course straight is considered the “norm” due to heterosexism). I’ve identified as bi, but that could always change because sexuality, and our understanding of it, can be very fluid. I’ve been trying to embrace the fact that I’m never 100% sure on anything, really. I know how I feel when I have a crush, but even that varies. For me, my feelings for men and women feel pretty different, but I recognize the telltale signs of me having a crush if that makes sense. I know it’s hard, but not putting pressure on yourself to figure out if you’re crushing or not makes things a lot easier to deal with mentally. I’m treating my sexuality like an adventure :)
"The writer is by nature a dreamer - a conscious dreamer."
-Carson McCullers
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