hello scarleteen. this is a doubt that has been tormenting me for years, so it might be a long post and i apologise.
the first exposures to love that i had, were cishet couples. my mum and dad, disney princesses, other cartoons, which also included children dating (obv cishet, cos gods forbid a child knows they're not that).
i didn't know the meaning of "gay" until i was 8. and even then i thought it was something weird and rare. not until my then best friend came out when we were about 10, i knew it was normal. but maybe this is not what the topic is about, even if it's worth mentioning that i was raised knowing cis-het-allo-mono as "the norm" and conditioned to it.
now, i have been having "crushes" but they were different. it's always been for fictional characters, VIPs, and the only people in my life i enjoyed fantasizing about were much older, parents' age, like teachers, summer camp entertainers, or parents' friends. 2/3 times it was cishet men, 1/3 times women or other identities (which threw me off a bit tbh. i define myself as bi but have a big preference for men/masc ppl).
real life people, who were also my age, i never really felt attraction to. i had to "choose" them, cos that's how i thought it worked.
but something that happened is that i did get "crushes" on real ppl my age, but it was mostly if not only online. first time it happened was with a girl i met on a train, with which i exchanged my whatsapp numbers and chatted for a while. i did have some sort of attraction to her but it wasn't sexual. it was somewhat platonic, but too strong to be just friendship. perhaps qp/alterous?
and i felt the same with my current partner whom i met online and have been with for a year, and he's acearo, but our relationship evolved to something that doesn't quite encompass labels, we do call eachother boyfriend though.
and there's my qpp, whom i also met online. this time, i would fantasize about sexual things with them, but it's cos i didn't know them so well, and i had only one specific fantasy (which i won't get into right here). but it faded away once we were officially qpps.
tl;dr: grew up hetero(etc)normative, can only feel sexual/romantic attraction to ppl "detached" from my reality (fictional/famous/realistically too old), have had three alterous/qp crushes which all have distance affection in common, and am currently involved with two of them.