Thank you so much, really, thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤ I can blame it on hormones that your post made my cry, but it was in the best way. Something as "simple" as being asked how you can support me is such a warm and precious feeling <3( I'll try to remember it when someone I know needs help.)
The thing is that I might not have the perfect body, health, family or social skills, but repeating it over and over in my head or here to you is not gonna do anybody any good. I have just two options, giving up completely, which is thankfully not as easy as I thought, or I have to just suck it up, move on and make the most out of what I have, which is a lot and I'm trying to be grateful for that. I just dont know how to cross the border between "I wish I was better" and "Im trying to be better". It's just so hard to do all this alone, when there's noone for whom I could be happy or some "better version of myself" and doing it for myself doesn't feel like a good enough reason. But I guess coming to terms with that should be part of the "sucking it up and moving on".
That's also probably why I keep coming here, telling things to someone and seeing their respons and advice makes everything feel so much more real and real problems can really be overcome, at least I'm trying to believe that
As for your question, I didn't want to write too much about those books I read because I don't want it to seem like I'm using this place just as some "free substitute" for a friend to just demonstrate my thoughts, but if anyone wants to hear what I think about them, I'd be happy to tell
(I read Priory of the Orange tree and Gideon the Ninth)
Oh and I totally forgot to thank Elise for her podcast recommendations she gave me some time ago, I really like both of them and I also found some other podcasts thanks to them
As for the other topics, all are something I'd like to talk about more, but I know we have talked about them a lot already so I'll leave it up to you. If there's anything anyone has thoughts on or questions about, I'd love to hear and talk about it more, because that's what feels the most important for me, just being able to talk to someone