Accepting my sexuality

Questions and discussion about your sexuality and how it's a part of who you are as a person.
Theansweris42
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Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Hi,
(I promise, I will try to be careful with what I write here so I won't be afraid someone I know might read it and have to ask you to delete my posts again
I know I probably shouldn't post here under these circumstances, but the chat times don't work for me, I crave any kind of communication with people and when I feel down my instinct is usually to go somewhere where I feel safe and right now it's only this site, sorry for that...)

Anyway, maybe you remember that my relationship with my sexual orientation is a bit complicated and not really nice and it's gotten even worse since my parents found out that I might not be straight and are really upset about it... It's getting hard to control my emotions when anything regarding sexuality comes up in conversations and some people are getting suspicious, which really scares me.
I realized trying to push away or dispute my feeling and thoughts doesn't work at all so I need to try something else. I hope that learning to accept myself and not taking it all so seriously will make everything easier. But I don't know how to do that...
So I would really appreciate any ideas on safe and parent-proof ways to learn more about LGBTQA+ community, to see that it's all real, to connect myself with my sexuality and just basically to see that being queer can mean being happy...
Heather
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Heather »

Hey there. I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing more distress.

I'm not sure what you mean by parent-proof. Can you say a little more?

Can I also ask if you have been able to set some limits and boundaries with your parents around any of this, like we've talked about in the past? Just trying to get a sense of things on the whole since we last talked.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Hi,
Sorry, I now see myself I was too vague and not clear.

As for the situation with my parents it's gotten better. When I couldn't take it anymore I wrote my mum a letter, mostly full of lies, where I asked for forgiveness and talked about how it's not what it seems, that I'm over it and it was just a stupid teenage mistake, that I learned my lesson, that there was never anything else than friendship between my friend and me etc. I'm not proud of it, but it seemed like the only option because I can't leave home. In the letter I also asked her not to talk about this topic and she replied that I have no right to ask for that but doesn't talk about it since then apart from occasional remarks about how I look, my friend, mental health, weddings and grandchildren... And I also spend outside or away from home as much time as I can which helps too.

By "parent-proof" I meant things they won't be able to find out about, they have control over my money, time, computer, partly over my phone, they don't respect privacy and I'm really paranoid something I say or do will lead to them finding out I was lying in the letter and start all the hate and restrictions again...

I don't know what I'm asking for... but I need to change somehow, I keep subconsciously searching for anything related to LGBT community in media and real life, I collect colorful flowers, make photos of rainbows, take a longer path home because there's a pride flag on one house... but on the other hand anytime this topic comes up in a conversation both in a good or bad way, I get visibly anxious and have to change the topic or go away so people won't notice or see me cry, it makes me feel so weak and isolated
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Siân »

Hi Theansweris42,

I think there are two separate things going on here. The first is that your parents are incredibly controlling, are preventing you from doing things that you want to do, and making you feel ashamed for who you are and how you feel. That's big, stuff, and looking back over the conversations we've had in other threads it doesn't feel like they are going to change. So one thing we could start thinking about is how you work towards getting yourself more independence generally. How does that sound?

Your actual question was more about how to get through in the meantime, I think? How to connect with queerness and see that being LGBTQIA+ can include being happy. You say your parents have a lot of control over your devices, so I guess my first question is how do you safely browse us here on Scarleteen? If you're comfortable covering your tracks online then we can for sure give you resources and media suggestions to check out, but I want to get an idea of what is workable for you just now.

Also, what kind of things are you able to do out of the house unsupervised? Do you rely on your parents for transport, or are you able to go into your nearest town or city alone?

You mentioned "hate and restrictions", what has that looked like in the past?
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Hi and thank you for taking the time to reply! I missed talking to all of you here, it such a warm and reassuring feeling knowing there is someone out there willing to spend their time and energy on me even when I can't give anything in return...

I've become much more careful the past few months so I came here only when my parents aren't around, only on my phone and by using a different web browser where I'm not logged in, plus I always delete my searching history. I know I'm probably too paranoid, it's not like they spend their days reading through my search history and emails, but the fear they might find something out has gotten way beyond the reasonable part of my mind by now...

I can travel alone but always have to ask them beforehand and they need to know where, why and with who I'm the whole time.

(Sorry for not answering your last question, I am afraid that someone I know might stumble upon this site and recognize me if I were too specific in my posts)

Even if I won't be able to check everything out now, any media recommendations would be really appreciated, at least I can have something to look forward too when my situation is different, I learned how important having something like that is if I don't want to just give up...
And I won some book vouchers that my parents don't know so if you have some book recommendations (especially for some more popular titles so there is at least a little chance I would find it in a local bookshop)
I would love to hear them too.
Thanks again for everything<3
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Sofi »

Hi Theansweris42, it's nice hearing from you! I'm sorry to hear things haven't gotten better at home, though. I was hoping you could tell us more about the control your parents have on where you travel to. Of course it's normal for parents to worry and want to know where their kids (even their adult kids) are if they leave town, but it sounds like they demand information such as who you're with at all times and why you're going there. What happens if you don't tell them? What is their method of punishment for keeping information from them? You also mentioned they control your finances, what about when you get a job, are you able to become financially independent? Just trying to gauge the amount of freedom, or lack thereof, that you have in your personal life.

As far as media recommendations, last year we put together a wonderful list you can find here. We're also coming out with a new one this weekend, we will post about that on our Instagram and we will make an article with them on here like the last one, so check back in for that. Do any of those seem like what you're looking for? We can provide more, just let me know!
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Thank you for those recommendations, I'm looking forward to the new list! Unfortunately I haven't found any of those books in bookshops here, the only one that was published can be bought only on Internet.
Since I don't see any other way I could access any other media, do you know about some websites with LGBTQA related stories/information/art/literally anything, that don't require registration? Maybe it's stupid that I'm kind of obsessed with all this, but I decided I want to change my attitude towards my sexual orientation so it wouldn't take up so much of my thoughts and life so I want to feel like I'm a actually doing something to achieve that, like I have some control over it, if that makes sense...

As for your question regarding money, it's a bit complicated I technically have my own bank account, but my parents have full access to it and check it regularly so I have to ask everytime I want to use it. I want to find some job at least for a summer so I would have an excuse to spend more time away from home, but it's not easy to find a place here right now due to many war refugees, plus I would feel guilty for taking a workplace from them.
Sorry again for not answering your questions regarding punishments, I don't want to be too specific here when everybody can read it plus I don't know what it would be good for, I would probably only feel bad for making it all sound worse that it is. Keeping information from them is one of the things they take really seriously, they always say that we are a good family so there shouldn't be any secrets between us. I think you can imagine how some angry and dissapointed people act.
The disappointment is even worse than the anger, I know some of it isn't my mistake but I still feel bad for not being grateful for everything they did for me, I spend my whole life with them but I still can't be at least partly who they want me to be, they sacrificed so much time, energy and money on me and I can't give them even a bit of happiness in return...
Michaela
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Michaela »

Hi Theansweris42,
Sometimes in bookstores, there will be sections called LGBTQ+. Since you are restricted by hardcopy things you can buy with your vouchers, I would suggest asking someone who works in one of the stores to point you in the direction of some books you can poke through. It's their job, so I'm sure they would be happy to help!

Our website has a ton of other great resources beyond the boards if you look into each of the sections at the top of the page (ex: bodies, gender, sexual identity, relationships). Some other resources you could look into is Salty or Autostraddle.

On the note of independence, if it's important for your physical, emotional, and intellectual health to have more time outside the house working, then you are more than justified and deserving of a job! I understand how it might feel selfish, but your needs are important too.

I see not wanting to keep information from your parents, especially in this situation. Would you feel comfortable or want to talk about different ways to approach a conversation with your parents about gaining some independence (control over your finances, a job, etc.)?

Finally, I want to address the last thing that you said. Your parents are adults who made the conscious choice to have you, fully aware of the time, money, and energy that would be asked of them. And they then still decided to do it! There is no guilt on you for being a human being who has needs and there is no requirement on you to live for your parents' happiness, after all, you didn't decide to be born. So, the only person's happiness that you should be concerned with at the moment is your own.
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Hi, thank you so much (not only) for what you said in the last paragraph, you're probably right, but it's so hard not to feel ungrateful or inadequate when most of people around me are what their parents want them to be and happy at the same time, they have partners, will have grandchildren, they know what they want to study, are good with people, healthy...

Anyways, as for the books, the place where I live is far less inclusive then most of the United States (at least I think so), so there aren't any LGBT+ sections and I admit I was afraid to ask people who work there, but I will try searching some more next time I get there.

Those websites are exactly what I was looking for, thank you so much!!! It still makes me sad or nervous sometimes reading about these things, but at the same time I love reading other people's stories and sometimes being able to relate to them.

Regarding my parents, honestly, I don't feel like I'm in a position where I could ask anything from them and don't known any arguments I could use, so I'm open to your ideas and suggestions.

(Long ramble incoming:

I just wanted to thank you all (and I'm sure I'm speaking for many other people as well)
for Scarleteen digital pride, the whole concept is so great!
I can't have social media so unfortunately I wasn't able to participate, I wish I could send you a photo of my guniea pigs with rainbow made of vegetables (sadly I didn't find anything blue) :D
I also hope you will get everything you need for your camp in summer, wish I could help somehow...

Reading Sam's, Mo's and Siân's texts about Queer futures made me cry, that's probably all that needs to be said <3
I share your dreams and I'm sure many other poeple do too, hopefully enough that it will come true despite other forces trying to prevent that. I always remember the quote Heather has under their posts "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. "
I was thinking what I would say about my vision of future, it's hard for me to think about my own future, I think mostly about some small things I would like to happen, regarding my parents and friends. And for the global future I just wish poeple were never reduced to their sexual orientation, sex, gender, race, health problems, school grades or anything else anymore, I wish we could be a world of many different people living together without hate, shame or fear...

Just seeing how much work, energy and love you've put in preparing the programme of the Pride, putting together playlist and media recommendations and how much of that you put in everything else you do here at Scarleteen (and I'm sure that applies to everything else you all do) fills me with such a warm feeling of gratitude and makes me feel safe, like everything's gonna be alright when there are people like you in this world.
I really really hope you know how amazing you are even without reading my long-winded post, I hope you don't mind, I just could help myself :)
I wish I could meet you all in person...
Mo
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Mo »

I'm so glad our Pride celebration was good for you to see! We know a lot of folks aren't in places where they can attend Pride events or be open about who they are and it's great to hear that what we're doing is reaching folks. <3
Also, I would love to see your guinea pigs with their rainbow of veggies, but just knowing about them is great too; I really love guinea pigs and miss having them as pets.
Thanks so much for your kind words!!
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

My friend always says that the easiest way to find a good person is to ask them whether they like guniea pigs,  not that I'd need this verification with you:D
Just wanted to let you know I finally found two books from your media recommendations list in a local bookshop. I'll buy them as soon as I have the chance, just have to find a way to hide them from my parents. I'm happy I have some reading material for summer, or probably more like just the first week of it :D

But summer kind of scares me, not that I like going to school, guite the opposite, but it means I'll have to stay at home most of the time, till now I was usually able to get away at least almost every weekend thanks to some competitions or events related to my hobbies or school, but now I won't have any excuse to go away for more then a short walk, maybe not even that...
I haven't found any job and my dad wants me to help in his company, which I should be grteful for, but honestly it scares me too. I don't know why I'm so dramatic, that even when everything's alright and there are no conflicts at home I can't help feeling anxious
around my parents. I don't understand why sometimes it takes just a day away and I'm a completely different person, I eat and sleep better, laugh and communicate with other people and then as soon as I'm back I usually become the angry, emotional, nervous person with stupid ideas again... It scares me how much fear and hate for my parents have accumulated in my head, I don't think they deserve it, most of it probably comes just from my selfish mind which wants to feel "speical" and maybe even pitied, I hate that...
Going out with friends isn't an option either, because, well, I don't have much of them. Most poeple I used to talk to in school have just moved on and found better friends when I become less fun the last few months, I don't blame them. Maybe the only real friend I have is the one I was always talking to you about, if you remember that, but we can't meet in person now, there's always fear my parents might found our texts and she is in a tough place lately and I'm finding it harder and harder to help her, sooner or later she will probably leave me to...
At least I have my guniea pigs, books and music...
Thank you for reading my complaining and those media recommendations again
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Sofi »

Hi, Theansweris42. I'm so glad you were able to find some of the books at a local bookstore! <3
You know, the way you describe how you feel when you're at home vs away for even just a day, it says a lot. It says that the relationship with your parents isn't great, no matter how much they say it's a good home...you shouldn't feel the way you do about your home situation. I know you feel like you're exaggerating it, but from what you've told us I really don't believe you are. At your age, it's healthy to have more freedom and independence than you currently do, such as privacy and control over your finances (we keep coming back to this one, I know). I'm not trying to get you to see your parents as your enemy, not at all - just trying to get you to see that we want better for you based on what you've told us so far. We want you to be able to browse whatever sites (and register to them, if you want), to buy whatever books and read them at home without fear of them being found, be able to get jobs outside the house and take trips occassionally by yourself/with a friend, etc. You deserve independence and to be able to be yourself without fear of punishment.
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Thank you, how do you do it, that you always know what to say to make me feel better? <3
Sofi
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Sofi »

Aw, that's so nice of you to say. We just have your best interest at heart and want to see you be happy.
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

That means so much to me <3

***
Sorry if this is not the right place to write thus, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened in America with abortion care. But sorry is probably not the best word, I'm baffled and so fucking mad that something like this is even possible. That in a country that prides itself on being free and democratic can just a few power-hungry people, whose positions are basically about keeping people safe, take basic human rights from millions of others with less power. I don't understand American political and judicial system at all, I can't even begin to understand what people in need of abortion are going through right now, but I understand how way beyond totally fucked up all of this is... I wish I could do more but I'm at least sending all my love and support to those who can and do fight and to those whose lives are affected by this

***

It feels a bit wrong to complain about my life when there are so many terrible things happening in the world right now, but I hope it's okay if I do that. The thing is, the situation at home has just gotten a bit more complicated, in short, my parent's got covid. I haven't yet processed it all, but what I'm thinking about most right now, even if it's terribly selfish, is that I won't be able to see my friend (the one who I have mentioned here many times that I love way more than I should...) I was just starting to make plans (school trip to her town plus some lies) to meet her, but now it's not possible and who knows when we'll get the chance to meet again... and I miss her so much, so much it physically hurts and I just don't know what to do. So do you know of some ways to get over missing someone? I really need to be functional right now. Maybe it's a stupid question and I just wanted to complain, thanks for reading it
Elise
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Elise »

Hi Theansweris42, thank you for sharing your thoughts of solidarity with us here, it is appreciated, I'm sure particularly by our staff and volunteers in the US.

One thing I learned a while ago now is that just because there are other traumas and difficulties in the world, it doesn't make the challenges and difficulties you are facing any less valid or important for you to have ways to cope and have healing/freedom from them. It is also not selfish to not feel good about being stuck inside your home with parents who you have to hide your authentic self from for your own safety at all, it is a stressful situation that you are in.

There are definitely some coping mechanisms that we can share, and there may be some things you can think of that you like to do that can take your mind outside of your home. This can include the reading the new books, your pets and music. Have you ever tried grounding exercises that help connect you to your physical present, rather than the thoughts in your head/being imagined? (Which can include missing your friend). Also if you like a craft or want to learn a new one, creating a summer project that will take a lot of focus and time gives you something to focus on, and also you get a cool thing and maybe a new skill by the end of it too. Is there something you could try there?

I sometimes find that listening to interview/conversational style videos or podcasts on YouTube can help feel like you're in a social situation when other people aren't around. Watching a Twitch livestream in a wholesome community can be good too. Do you think this could work if you choose content areas that your parents wouldn't mind if they found them? I'm sure we can come up with some recommendations for you, if you like. Also if you'd like more LGBTQIA+ content,you can listen to media without downloading it on your device, most podcasts have a webpage based listening presence that you can handle like you do your other web history currently.

Also, are there other friends from your activities/the fundraiser that you did that you feel you could get to know better over chat/text over the summer?

I hope some of these solutions are useful for you to explore! 😊
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Thank you so much for your ideas!!!
I realized I won't be having much free time the next few days because I have to do the cooking and house and garden work by myself, which is tiring but also means less time to think which I'm grateful for. So far I'm feeling much better than I thought I would be. I'm just afraid I'll soon get sick too and I have no idea who would do all the work then.

As for your tips, my parents aren't in favor of social media in general so I probably won't risk that, plus I've always struggled to feel like a part of any community, I just don't fit anywhere. But I'll definitely use the chance that there's no risk they might come into my room unexpectedly the next few days and try some podstasts, I had no idea it was possible to listen to them without registering or downloading so thanks so much for the advice!  Btw, I started reading one of the books and so far I really like it, I'm just waiting till I get a but further so I can respond to your new thread about queer media ;-)

Regarding grounding exercises I remember one that one of you gave me some time ago (naming things around me I can see, touch, smell...) and I found myself using it when I start losing control over myself, especially in public, but it works only partly and for a short period of time.

That's so nice of you that you remember that we organised the help for refugees! But most of those activities are over now and I can manage the little that is left by myself. I'm not in contact with the rest of the people anymore and I'm afraid they hate my now that I was publicly awarded for that and some other things (one of the worst experiences of my life, I almost fainted, it felt so wrong to be called a 'good' person in front of so many people...) and they weren't. I have had some new potential friendships going on, but they all ended the past few months, I'm just too different, I don't know how to be a good friend and when I feel bad I find it extremely hard to communicate with other poeple so no wonder I don't have many people around me. Sorry for ending on a little depressing note again, but I'm so tired of feeling like I don't fit in anywhere, I feel to old to not be able to maintain relationships with anyone including my friends and parents, I wonder if there's even a chance I might change one day...
Michaela
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Michaela »

Hi theansweris42,

I'm glad that you have been starting to find ways to connect to more media since the last time I was here! I'm also glad that you are still healthy and I hope it stays that way. It sounds like you're having to deal with a lot of responsibility in the house at the moment and I can understand the pressure you might feel to figure everything out if you became sick too. With rest, hopefully, your parents would feel up to figuring out the distribution of work, but we can cross that bridge if we come to it.

If you are still interested in more grounding exercises there are a ton out there. It definitely takes some trial and error to find which ones work best for you (as it sounds like you've experienced). I will start another thread in "Supporting Each Other" where we can all discuss and share more techniques.

I'm sorry to hear that you are no longer close with your friends from volunteering. Being singled out in public can definitely be horribly uncomfortable for a lot of people, myself included. However, I think it might be helpful to remember that you had no control over who they decided to award. It sounds like you know the hard work and team effort that went into the project. So, if you really enjoyed connecting with the people you worked with you could always try reaching out and seeing how things feel with them. Maybe they might be completely aware of the fact you had no control over the award and harbor no hard feelings or sharing and acknowledging the hard work that everyone put in could help mend some of those relationships.

Most importantly I want to address some of the last things you shared. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you spoke about feelings of not belonging and some hopelessness around friendships which can be extremely painful to experience. I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing that. You are not alone. You are not alone in having those feelings (almost everyone has also struggled at some point with finding connection with others). And, you are not alone because there are people that care about you, including all of us here. But, I know it can be hard to actually feel that and that words can only do so much when living in the reality of it.

Relationships with others take a whole lot of work, practice, and patience, all of which it sounds like you are well aware of. Everyone has the capacity to change in ways that they want to. Sometimes it takes some time but you sound like you are well on your way as the first and most important steps are to notice and have the desire to make a change. I also want to encourage some self-compassion because you are dealing with a lot at the moment, and you are making some great steps to do things for yourself that are beneficial for you. I believe that you may know of some of our relationship resources already but Hello, Sailor: How to Build, Board and Navigate Healthy Relationships has great tips for any type of relationship including friendships. We can also talk about more specific tips on communication etc. if that is what you are wanting.

There is a lot that we can discuss from here. So, you can take the lead and respond to whatever I have said that feels important for you or any other thoughts that have come up.
Elise
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Elise »

Theansweris42 wrote: Sat Jun 25, 2022 9:17 am But I'll definitely use the chance that there's no risk they might come into my room unexpectedly the next few days and try some podstasts, I had no idea it was possible to listen to them without registering or downloading so thanks so much for the advice! 
Hi there Theansweris42, just popping in to add to Michaela's great response that since you're interested in podcasts, to listen without downloading anything, go to the webpages of one you're interested in, and look for their links to Soundcloud, Stitcher, Radiopublic, Audioboom or Podbean pages are all services that allow for listening with no account or subscription. This list is non exhaustive, most should have one presence like this in the place they list where to listen. Also if you'd like any podcasts that you'd not need to only deploy in private (so not about queerness but aligned to your interests and you could listen to around the house and carve out your own space inside the space of your house), I'd be happy to provide some recommendations around what you like. There's lots that are narrative, fun and interesting facts, history, science etc. and I'm sure the whole team will have some options we could offer.
Theansweris42 wrote: Sat Jun 25, 2022 9:17 am Regarding grounding exercises I remember one that one of you gave me some time ago (naming things around me I can see, touch, smell...) and I found myself using it when I start losing control over myself, especially in public, but it works only partly and for a short period of time.
I'm glad to hear that this one has been useful for you. The thing with grounding exercises is that they're not expected to fix everything or even last a long time, but do exactly what you're saying, help bring you away from a feeling of distress, and if that's taking you from say, level 9/10 distress to level 5 or 4 out of ten, then that is a help. Also there is nothing wrong with needing to do it multiple times over a day, depending on when you need it, it is a coping mechanism to deal with distress, and so if you're feeling distress multiple times in a day and it helps a bit, it's there for you to deploy whenever you need it. This sensory counting one is often recommended because no one can tell you're doing it so you can deploy it multiple times a day easily without worrying about other noticing or needing to find a private space. I'll add some others to the thread that Michaela has started, too.
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Thank you both so much, I'm always deeply touched when you say that you care about me and spend so much time and energy on giving thoughtful advice and talking with me <3 I wish I could give you something in return... If you ever needed a housekeeper or an au pair just let me know :D don't worry just (half) kidding :D :D

I've never listened much to podcasts so thank you for your advice and I'd be grateful for any recommendations. It's hard for me to come up with a topic I'm interested in, I realized I haven't been spending much time doing things I like lately so I don't even know what that is. But in general I like things that make me understand how does the world work and most importantly make me think. I know that terribly unspecific so, if you want, you can recommend me anything you had in mind that you like :)

Making the new thread with grounding exercises is a great idea, I belive many other poeple will find it useful as well! I hope I'll be able to get over the completely irrational feeling, that I don't deserve the use those tool that they should be for poeple with real mental health problems, and learn some of them instead of using pain...

The article you linked is amazing, if everyone spend one lessen at school reading that instead of memorising atomic numbers of elements for instance, I belive the world would be much better place. I hope I'll be able to put things written there to use one day, but if I'm being honest, now it mostly reminded me of the relationship with my friend. Maybe some of you remember how I always keep going between thinking it's not exactly healthy and feeling like it's the best thing that has ever happened to me... The problem is it's the only closer relationship I've ever had and it's hard to belive it won't be the only one. It's not like all people hate me, most probably don't mind me, I know many people who I greet with and exchange a few polite phrases about school when we meet, but it never gets further. It's hard to change when I don't even know what I'm doing wrong, I know there is something and I know I'm not a good person, but the only people I receive criticism from regarding this are my parents but that's never specific and something I would know how to change.
One thing that I know about apart from being unable to communicate sometimes that excluded my from some friend groups is that because of having zero experience with things like relationships I'm deemed immature. Parties and romantic and sexual relationships seem to be the most frequent topic among people I know and I'm rarely included in such conversations. I wish I could be like others, I know they don't have it easy either and I should be grateful for what I have, but...

I know there's nothing you could do about this, but it feel good to write down at least some of the things that are on my mind so I hope it's okay
Heather
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Heather »

Hey there. Just wanted to let you know that I'm around today if you want to talk. :)

I am also going to set a limit here with you that I think will be good for you: can we agree to you not engaging in any more negative self-talk here, like saying you aren't a good person?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

Im sorry, but also want to thank you for asking that, I promise I'll try to avoid doing that from now on
Heather
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Location: Chicago

Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Heather »

Glad to help you with it. <3
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Theansweris42
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Theansweris42 »

As for talking today, I would love to but don't know what about, unless there is something you would like to ask me. But thanks for the offer anyway, hope you have a nice afternoon/evening/whatever it is in your time zone <3
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Re: Accepting my sexuality

Unread post by Elise »

Theansweris42 wrote: Sun Jun 26, 2022 6:58 am I've never listened much to podcasts so thank you for your advice and I'd be grateful for any recommendations. It's hard for me to come up with a topic I'm interested in, I realized I haven't been spending much time doing things I like lately so I don't even know what that is. But in general I like things that make me understand how does the world work and most importantly make me think. I know that terribly unspecific so, if you want, you can recommend me anything you had in mind that you like :)
Can do! We have some specifically queer themed recommendations in this article and this article.
If you like history at all (and how it can relate to the present day), and like some humour, you might like called You're Dead to Me and pairs a historian with a comedian who learns about the history. There are lots of different people represented, too, so you can pick what interests you.

A bit sillier but with lots of fun facts is No Such Thing as a Fish, which is full of weird and wonderful random facts about the world. The hosts are researchers for a famous UK quiz show called Qi and are also comedians/actors.
Theansweris42 wrote: Sun Jun 26, 2022 6:58 am Making the new thread with grounding exercises is a great idea, I belive many other poeple will find it useful as well! I hope I'll be able to get over the completely irrational feeling, that I don't deserve the use those tool that they should be for poeple with real mental health problems, and learn some of them instead of using pain...
So the thing with grounding exercises, is that they're for everyone to try and use, there is no 'minimum' to be allowed to use them if they help with anxiety. Just like you wouldn't say that someone with a twisted ankle can't use an ice pack because they haven't torn a ligament, you wouldn't say someone can't use the mechanisms because it isn't a certain level. Everyone deserves to be able to use the techniques that work for them to cope with the things including you! It can be easier said than done to accept that internally, but maybe this metaphor will help you when you come up against this thought again?
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