Hi there skzly, good to hear from you on this thread, and that you've been doing some research and self reflection. Also glad to hear that you have some great LGBTQI+ friends around you, that is great. I'm sorry to hear that this is a really frustrating feeling for you at the moment, you're totally right that it can feel this way despite knowing that as you mentioned, there is no rush to work it all out right now.
Firstly on the topic of wlw erotica and media in general, you may find Autostraddle
a good place to start. There are lots of great media recommendations (both your "regular" books, films and TV shows with queer women in them, and sexually explicit content) , and they do have an erotica series they host themselves under their A+ banner.
You may find that different formats of erotica, porn etc. do or don't do things for you, so potentially erotica more your thing when it comes to arousal than visual porn. Also, yes it is quite normal to have things that you enjoy fantasizing about but wouldn't want to do in real life, as Heather mentions in our article "Yes, No, Maybe, a sexual inventory checklist":
"We included a code [in the checklist] for fantasy. People often confuse what someone fantasizes about with what someone wants to actually or potentially do, which is especially a doozy for young people who can tend to feel freaked by the idea that fantasies must be "want-to-do's" rather than just "really-like-to-think-abouts." Recognizing the difference is important and can also take a lot of pressure off sharing fantasies."
Another way to think about it is that there are lots of things that we can enjoy imagining that we wouldn't want to do in real life, in part because our imaginations can take out all the parts that we wouldn't like or enjoy in real life.
In terms of wanting to be able to have sex with another woman and be able to be an insertive partner, this is actually something you can do with a dildo and a harness, in combination sometimes called a "strap on". You are not alone in finding this an arousing and interesting idea, there is a whole section of the sex toy industry built around it! Essentially you have a dildo of some kind that is attached with a harness or special kind of underwear. You can read more about it here: Harnessing Savings by Isabella Rotman (guest comic on Oh Joy Sex Toy)
With regards to unlearning sexual shame, we have an article on the main site that gives an overview of things you can do to help work on this: Undoing Sexual Shame
. This too can take time, as you are undoing something that was taught to you over years, but is possible, so it is important to be kind and gentle with yourself. As you mentioned that in your experience part of this is rooted in your family's religion, you may also find these two articles useful:
Also, have you considered seeing a LGBTQI+ affirming therapist, or peer support group to assist you with this kind of healing?
If you have any questions, curiosities or thoughts about the above that you would feel comfortable to share, we're very happy to hear them.