any asexuals that have advice? :)

Questions and discussion about your sexuality and how it's a part of who you are as a person.
Jacob
scarleteen staff/volunteer
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My primary language: English
My pronouns: They
Location: Leeds UK

Re: any asexuals that have advice? :)

Unread postby Jacob » Mon May 04, 2020 6:23 am

^ This is off-topic, but I just want to say it's good to see you here and if you'd like to talk on chat or by email, I know I and other folks on the staff would be really happy to!
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You

sky
not a newbie
Posts: 391
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2019 9:15 am
My pronouns: She/her
My sexual identity and orientation: who knows
Location: n/a

Re: any asexuals that have advice? :)

Unread postby sky » Mon May 11, 2020 8:25 pm

Hey horriblegoose. I don’t know what to call you just let me know if that’s not okay. I’m so happy you’re back. I was worried about you. I hope you’re doing okay. I appreciate you so much and I really want you to be okay and happy and safe.

Thank you for all that. I don’t really know how to say this because I just figured it out about a week ago and I just told someone for the first time yesterday. I realize I am not ace. I am very very very lesbian and was afraid to admit it. I feel like a liar or something, I really did think that I was ace and I feel so so bad that I’m not.

I made so many friends in the community and everyone was so kind to me (Especially you) and I feel rude for finding this label and using it. I know sexuality is fluid and I feel weird about it still I don’t know why. I felt safe in it and I feel like it allowed me to understand myself better. I hope this doesn’t like hurt you in anyway. I promise I didn’t mean any harm but mis labeling myself. I thought it was me and it just, isn’t. I’m still a little nervous and worried to have sex but that’s normal and that’s okay. I’m okay being gay, I know that now. It took since I was like 9 to understand this. But I finally feel ~okay~ about it. I actually think I might be bi but I have no idea. There’s no rush and I’m simply just, exploring.

Again, I truly truly hope you’re okay. You are never alone.

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 8335
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
My primary language: english
My pronouns: they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: any asexuals that have advice? :)

Unread postby Heather » Thu May 21, 2020 7:34 am

Hey sky: just poking my nose in to say that no one is a liar for thinking they are one orientation and discovering they are another. We can only ever know what we know at the time! People also aren't liars who have orientation shifts, who change how they talk about their orientation with others, including with their language, or who even choose a given identity because it feels safer than another. You, like everyone else, are allowed to have these kinds of processes and experiences.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

justnobody
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2020 9:10 pm
My pronouns: dealer's choice i guess
Location: the void

Re: any asexuals that have advice? :)

Unread postby justnobody » Tue Jun 16, 2020 2:09 pm

sky wrote:Hey horriblegoose. I don’t know what to call you just let me know if that’s not okay. I’m so happy you’re back. I was worried about you. I hope you’re doing okay. I appreciate you so much and I really want you to be okay and happy and safe.

Thank you for all that. I don’t really know how to say this because I just figured it out about a week ago and I just told someone for the first time yesterday. I realize I am not ace. I am very very very lesbian and was afraid to admit it. I feel like a liar or something, I really did think that I was ace and I feel so so bad that I’m not.

I made so many friends in the community and everyone was so kind to me (Especially you) and I feel rude for finding this label and using it. I know sexuality is fluid and I feel weird about it still I don’t know why. I felt safe in it and I feel like it allowed me to understand myself better. I hope this doesn’t like hurt you in anyway. I promise I didn’t mean any harm but mis labeling myself. I thought it was me and it just, isn’t. I’m still a little nervous and worried to have sex but that’s normal and that’s okay. I’m okay being gay, I know that now. It took since I was like 9 to understand this. But I finally feel ~okay~ about it. I actually think I might be bi but I have no idea. There’s no rush and I’m simply just, exploring.

Again, I truly truly hope you’re okay. You are never alone.


Congrats on learning more about yourself and finding a label that suits you better! <3

The community was not kind to you simply because you were "one of us". People were kind to you because you a person and therefore deserving of kindness, support, and compassion. People became your friend because you're an awesome, thoughtful person. Nothing you did was rude or appropriation or out of line or wrong. That's literally just all a part of questioning and discovering yourself! It is okay to go through labels. It is okay to genuinely feel a label suits you and later grow out of it or realize that it doesn't really suit you. Most of us have been there in one way or another. This is not "mislabeling". It's discovery and growth. I'm proud of you for discovering more about yourself and coming to terms with it and sharing it with others! <3

Thanks for your kind words as well. I'm wishing you nothing but the best.


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