My new girlfriend avoids intimacy

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Lesbian321
newbie
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon May 06, 2019 5:51 pm
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She/her
My sexual identity and orientation: Bisexual or lesbian
Location: England

My new girlfriend avoids intimacy

Unread postby Lesbian321 » Sat Apr 11, 2020 6:06 pm

Me and my girlfriend have been together officially a month today, which I know isn’t long but I’m already starting to see issues that she has with the relationship. For starters I am her first girlfriend - she’s been in many relationships with guys but I’m her first girl, and for me, she’s my first ever girlfriend. We started out amazing before we were together, every chance we’d get alone together we’d be all over each other which I loved. It’s already began to disappear tho but I don’t feel as if anything’s changed. Our issue recently has been quarantine with corona, we’re separated for the time being and she just shuts me down if I ever message her even vaguely intimately. For example I said about what I’d do to her when it’s over, and she changed the subject. I tried to bring it back as she initially brought up she was in the mood and she shut it down again. I apologised for it and said I must have got the wrong message but then she’ll flirt again? It’s very confusing. I just don’t know what to do because she’s never straight forward about it and even when I try she doesn’t acknowledge it, even if I directly ask. I hate to admit but my mind is beginning to wonder to other girls cause she’s just not giving me the attention I feel I need however bad that sounds. I don’t want it to be like that and I just wanna know if anyone’s gone through this and if they were able to resolve it or if anyone had any advice on what to do

Alexa
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 159
Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: i make the world's best pancakes!
My primary language: English
My pronouns: she/her/ella
My sexual identity and orientation: queer, pansexual
Location: Chicago, IL

Re: My new girlfriend avoids intimacy

Unread postby Alexa » Sun Apr 12, 2020 6:34 am

Hey Lesbian321,

I want to start by saying that I'm glad you two are taking necessary precautions during the pandemic and staying physically apart, even though I know it sucks. You're doing the right thing.

It sounds like your girlfriend is having trouble with direct communication around sex. That's never great, but it's especially difficult when verbal communication is the primary thing we have at our disposal in lockdown! Do you think that, outside of the immediate context of sexting/trying to initiate intimate conversation, you could just ask her directly if she's comfortable with those kinds of conversations and how you can best go about keeping your intimacy intact while you're separated? It can be hard to work those things out when you're in the middle of a sexual or intimate conversation.

I also just want to say that having thoughts about others is not inherently bad/cheating/etc. It's natural to have those thoughts, even while in a relationship. But I understand that it's feeling like an indicator of a larger problem here, so we can talk that out! <3
Alexa K.
Scarleteen Team


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