Unread postby 0PT1M15T1C » Thu Feb 27, 2020 3:24 pm
I would personally give anything to not be trans, but like that's not possible. I don't really care about other peoples reactions to me being trans, it doesn't really matter, but I don't want to be treated different because of it. I just want to be able to be a normal guy. It's kind of hard to explain because that probably sounds quite similar, but like I don't really care about the opinions, like I've been told I have a disease of the mind for being trans, I could care less about that but being treated differently - that sucks. Like being treated as if I'm less than for being trans, just because I'm not cis, that's the part that gets to me.
As far as people knowing I'm trans, before this other person came in we never talked about me being trans, ever. And a lot of people who know me, still don't know I'm trans, I keep it that way. My friends, I think the last time they asked me a question about it was like September, so it's not something that comes up, someone mentioned something about bottom surgery and they were really confused so they asked me. My school is kind of known for being LGBT friendly and all that, so we have quite a high population, and a lot of times there's groups of those people, which I don't involve myself in. Or at least didn't for a long time until this person came into the group. In my friend group especially after the other girl left, I don't feel like the token trans person in any way, I was finally just a regular dude. They were shocked when I told them I was trans, and after a little explaining they never really cared, because it doesn't affect them.
For me, I have a pretty scientific view on gender, I come from a family where my sister is a physicist, my mom is an engineer, I plan for a future in forensics and my brother wants to do astrology, and then my dads an artist so that's a little different, but science and that way of understanding is just how I roll. I just don't really care what people do as long as it's not having a massive affect on my life. I like youtube for videos, when I want to watch trans things, I do typically watch people like Kalvin Garrah, which might tell you where I fall in that area. For me the biggest thing is being respectful though, I can have whatever views I want, but I need to be respectful towards others. I was able to explain it to my mom with the help of a counsellor using some science.
It's just annoying, I didn't ask for other people to know I'm trans. The few times I have talked to other trans people it's just all they make life about, whereas for me, yeah I guess being trans is a part of me, but I'd prefer to just leave that to be honest. It's not a big deal, granted I'm cis passing and don't have to deal with a lot of the oppression others might have to, mine comes from other areas so I guess I'm just more focused on that. I honestly don't mind a few questions here and there, I know a lot about it and especially in things like class discussions it's a good way to share my knowledge. Like with what you mention about talking to other people, it's just not what I'm looking for, because to be honest - I want to live like a cis male, and for the most part - I do. Being trans, I'll use my identity to advocate at things like marches and protests but other than that it's just kind of there, and that's how I like it.
Like for example, with this piece "The more people you'll have around who understand being uncomfortable with certain questions." I don't need someone to understand being uncomfortable with certain questions, it's just this one person constantly talking about being trans and all that. I don't like that, and I think that's what being in a group with lots of trans people would do.
I'm not sure if this is making any sense.
I think my mom is trying to get me to talk about being trans more, idk. It's just not me, I don't care about it, I would much prefer to be cis. With your question, honestly, I don't get many negative reactions, it was just when I was little I did. So honestly the answer although you're probably thinking it's "transphobic reactions to you being trans and transphobic systems" when really it's this "Is it being trans specifically that has made things painful and difficult and hard." It's not something I can just stop being, I'm a guy, just wish my freaking body matched that because it really would save me a lot of pain and discomfort. I know there's nothing really wrong with me for being trans though.
I'm just going to let them know I'd prefer we not talk about trans things, and tell them to stop asking me questions, they can find those answers online or they can ask someone else. I'm not that person.
It might sound weird but I do actually enjoy like class discussions about trans topics, that's interesting, but it's during class time and that is what comes up, rather than at a space where I can relax and not have to think about that, I think it's because of that distinction. ALSO, every day, they bring it up. Like damnnnnn, I don't know how they talk about it that much.
I have one trans friend and we sometimes, very rarely talk about being trans. Idk, I just wish I could leave it. Like I don't want to be seen as trans, and I don't want to be trans.
You have the power to say "This is not how my story will end".