Thank you for the encouragement!
I don't feel bummed at all about the four months timeline and as a matter of fact I'm hoping to use the timeline to continue to build on myself and my passions.
I'm in school full time again, I'm starting a new job soon that'll hold me down until my rigorous job in the summer, I'm taking music lessons now (singing on Mondays and music theory/guitar on Wednesdays), still involved in a campus organization and I'm still trying to organize my life and keep up with self care (the gym, hair care, morning/night routines). So I'll definitely be busy for the next four months.
In relation to this person, I recognize that I may (and did briefly yesterday) relapse into the fear of them not liking me as much. Especially in discussion about spirituality with a very close and trusted person in my life, when they listened to the situation I was describing they felt pursuing this person at all would be a bad idea and that I may get hurt.
Once I heard that I just felt extremely frustrated in response. I started to feel like that these intense feelings were 100% one-sided. I expected and was ready to get hurt, that I wanted to enjoy whatever feelings I had while I could and be ready to cope with the impending heartbreak when it came.
I saw this situation at this span of time as a dead end or a destined pain filled experience that would bring me closer to whoever "that person"/"my person" is. It was so emotionally distressing that my first instinct was to shut myself off again emotionally and ONLY look for sex or just avoid having a partner of any kind altogether.
I was talking about personal goals I could hyper focus on (rather than drowning myself in school or work) as a way to channel this energy and distract myself from my desires for a romantic or sexual partner.
Now due to he fact that I am more interested sex thanks to self exploration and more enjoyment out of masturbating again. I find myself more realistically reframing my thinking about this situation and trying to also encourage myself to date other people. I'm currently in the mindset that this person, while the time and experience was enjoyable, is unattainable.
The way I can best cope currently is think of them as a fantasy, that they weren't real and that whatever happened was just another event in which I can keep into account how I want my other interactions to be if that's possible.
I don't intend to sound pessimistic, I want to be realistic about the situation at hand and if a person I trust greatly feels like it's a bad idea then I'm probably better off. Especially since this person lives very very far away from me, already has a primary partner and I am uncertain about being polyamorus or not, it's probably for the best I don't think about them unless they contact me first.
I hope this makes sense!