Unread postby Gone.Sorry. » Wed Dec 18, 2019 9:52 pm
As a generally disinterested aroace, I don't have any dating app stories I can share with you. However, the part in your post about socioeconomical status and privilege really stands out to me, and I do want to discuss it a bit.
This kind of fear you have towards your privilege reminds me of many other folk I know who have a good amount of 101 and even 102 knowledge about privilege and bigotry, but don't really have any more in depth knowledge about systems of oppression. Especially when you're just learning about these systems, it can be so easy to get overwhelmed with all the badness and the complexity of intersectionality and feel too intimidating to keep learning more. It's a lot to take in! It really is. However, continuing to educate yourself on these systems - including what various groups want from allies - can actually make it all easier to take in and navigate.
Would you say this could be true for you? That you're still on a relatively new journey to learning about privilege and haven't been exposed to much of these issues in real life? It might be helpful for you in navigating these feelings to do some more reading and listening and learning.
Some approachable steps you could take might be something as simple as changing where you get your news from so you're getting perspectives from people who are going through said issues. This could also mean challenging yourself and putting yourself out there for new experiences. Maybe this could be things like attending some PFLAG meetings to better yourself as an ally(?) or volunteering for things like meals on wheels or a food bank or voter canvassing. Maybe it even means doing something like taking a language class to learn another language to expand your own understanding of such experiences and how you can communicate and get to know people even with a language barrier. This could also mean just being more aware of the media you consume. Who is creating/starring in the music you listen to, the book you read, the shows you watch? Do you need to expand your entertainment library to include more diversity?
Last thing I want to end on is a reminder that dismantling oppression, confronting bigotry, and being aware of your privilege doesn't mean you need to personally save everyone or that you alone can/should change the world. Using your privilege well means being aware of the privileges you have so you can better recognize bigotry when it happens. Using your privilege well means being aware of the language you use and doing things like cutting slurs and discriminatory terms out of your vocabulary. Using your privilege well means not simply glossing over when people around you make harmful "jokes" or comments but to confront these statements whenever/however you can. Using your privilege well means listening and hearing what people who do face a bigotry and/or experience you don't face/know and respecting what they're saying and possibly what they're asking you to do. Using your privilege well means doing what you can, when you can. Using your privilege well means being aware and challenging the systems around you in whatever ways you have access to and are able to do so.
Using your privilege well does not mean that you never get to live your life or need to always hold yourself back from opportunities. Using your privilege well does not mean hating yourself or simply putting yourself down all the time or pitying yourself for caring but not knowing what to do, as these behaviors are not helpful and don't fix anything. And using your privilege well does not mean that you have to raise anyone you date or befriend out of poverty, or whatever it is that your base concern about dating people of a certain socieoeconomical status is.
It sounds like you do have some more introspecting to do on the assumptions you have about certain people and where they're coming from. It's helpful for this to practice mindfulness. Catch yourself when you make assumptions, think about if it's coming from somewhere that could be harmful, and then re-direct the thought into something more informed. As Mo said, that doesn't mean you have to or should force yourself to at least chat with anyone you have a somewhat problematic reaction towards. It's just about catching yourself thinking something that isn't the best and taking a moment to correct yourself to something more accepting. This is one way we can help teach ourselves to know better and to react in a better, more open, more informed way in the future. Internalized prejudice can also be confronted in this way.
There's a quote from user nikolaecuza on tumblr that goes: "The first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are." This has been helpful to me in my own journey of expanding my knowledge and acceptance when ignorant, uninformed, imperfect, and/or bigoted thoughts have crossed my mind and filled me with shame. The second thought I have correcting myself helps remind me how much I've grown and changed and reminds me that possibly that second thought could be my first thought one day. Perhaps this quote will help you as well.
Being aware and being able to catch ourselves when we have thoughts/reactions that aren't wonderful is a huge step. If you've made it this far, you're well equipped to keep it going and continue working past these sorts of thoughts and reactions!
