Welcome back to the forums. I'm so sorry you went through this scary and stressful experience. I think your assessment of the situation - "early sign of abuse?" is correct, primarily because 1) your boyfriend acted aggressively (toward himself and then to you), and the 2) proceeded to blame YOU for it. Yes, that is emotional abuse
. And he did it several times - saying that YOU were the reason that he hit himself (no, that was his decision, and he made the choice to do it), screaming at you multiple times, saying that YOU made him look bad to his friend (again, he did that all on his own), calling you names, blaming other people for his actions... I want to be completely clear that NONE of his behavior is your fault or responsibility. People are responsible for their own actions.
Blaming someone else for aggression, name calling, and assault is abuse (and committing those acts in the first place is also abusive).
Have you ever heard of gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where someone tries to convince the other that they're "crazy", or persuade them (falsely) that they were responsible for a bad outcome. By suggesting that you were responsible for your partner's actions (wrong; HE is responsible), your boyfriend is gaslighting you. You can read more about gaslighting here: https://www.thehotline.org/what-is-gaslighting/https://outofthefog.website/top-100-tra ... aslighting
Abuse often occurs in a cycle, where there can be a lot of aggression/inappropriate/harmful behavior, and then the abuser tries to apologize and win you back over. It sounds like he trying to play on your sympathy by saying that you're the only one he has, how no one else cares about him, etc. And he's also refusing to get professional help.
Given the intensity of this situation, I encourage you to read the Scarleteen Safety Plan
. I recognize that your boyfriend hasn't directly harmed you, but he did assault himself pretty seriously, and I'd like for you to know all the options you have in case a situation like that comes up again.
Can you tell me a bit more about how you feel after reading some of these things? How are you feeling in this relationship, right now, and overall?
I'd also really like to know how we can best help and support you, so please feel free to ask for anything and we'll do our best to help. <3