HOW??

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Breeze1892
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HOW??

Unread postby Breeze1892 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 8:00 am

Just checked my last post and it’s been a while since I posted anything on the forum….so this might be a lengthy one.

4th year of Med school and with one more year to go, everything seems blurred. Totally enjoyed my time here from being the soccer coach of my faculty and nearly winning the Provost cup to being frustrated during boring practical classes I can really say that my time here has been fantastic.

BUT….as I count down the days till graduation I can’t help but feels like there’s something missing. Not one for labels but as an introvert I always try to maintain my personal space however possible be it with my roommates or in class or even on the bus I try to have a sense of space just reserved for me alone with no one allowed to intrude or take up a portion of “Myspace”. This always makes me come off as a snob and it’s quite noticeable amongst my classmates.

I don’t talk much in class except the occasional class joke or meeting where everyone has to say something (I sometimes say too much) and thus I’m not proud to say that I’ve got just one friend in class and that’s only because she was in my class in high school and we somehow got accepted to the same university with the same major. I try to talk to people but I find that I don’t relate with the things they find important and I always seem to be the odd one in the midst of the crowd.

My neighbor told me something a few days ago and that’s what inspired this post, he said that if I never get to make friends here then making friends post-graduation is going to be tough and to be honest it really felt scary. I really want to make friends and feel like I belong to something but opening up to people feels like I’m going to lose a sense of who I am while being judged by others for being me.

So, my question is HOW? HOW do you make friends? HOW do you open up to people and relate with them?

Jacob
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Re: HOW??

Unread postby Jacob » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:01 am

Hi Breeze!

I can relate to struggling to make friends on a university course... It can be a competitive space, and I found that I had to eventually decide that my student cohort just weren't "my kind of people". I was just very different, and had very different interests and beliefs. I really disagree with your neighbor, because other spaces were much easier for me to form friendships in.

You may not be doing anything wrong, in wanting personal space and speaking your mind. It may just be that you haven't found the right people to appreciate you yet. For me it was more about getting involved in volunteering, activism and stuff like that... for you it could be more related to your soccer.

So I say keep exploring and those friends will show up, it may be that graduation is great for you and exposes you to a far wider range of people. I hope you find good people!

Are there any other hobbies that interest you?
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You

rubyted
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Re: HOW??

Unread postby rubyted » Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:57 pm

Hi, Breeze! Just wanted to add to what Jacob was saying, which I completely agree with: not only is there nothing wrong with you wanting personal space and speaking your mind, but overthinking and compulsively worrying about "messing up" social interactions could put you in an even tougher spot; being self-critical is only beneficial to a point.

Like Jacob said, you can absolutely make friends after you graduate. Deciding it's now or never puts even more pressure on you, when in reality moving at your own pace is totally okay! You're not devastatingly behind in any sense. The less pressure you put on yourself, the more the right people will be drawn to you (and vice versa). Meeting people with similar hobbies and interests will let you make connections more naturally. I'm wondering if you have a counselor or therapist to discuss these feelings of anxiety with?


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