(not lesbian(s)) (is it still cool to make bad movie references. i made the subject that just for my bad joke. sorry scarleteam.)
hello again! another week, another dollparties predicament.
my boyfriend this past weekend told me he loves me. we haven’t said it before, and he said it when i was expressing anxiety about whether or not i deserve this relationship. i was caught really off guard and ended up just… staring at him for a few seconds. i couldn’t tell if he was saying it lightly or if he actually meant it, and i didn’t ask for clarification because it was jarring.
i use ‘i love you’ very, very liberally with friends. i also have in past relationships, but that always ends badly for me, so i was trying to take my time with this one to make sure i actually MEAN IT. trouble is, i don’t know if i would mean it yet if i had said it back.
it’s not at all that i don’t *like* him. i really, truly do. but i don’t know if it’s love, and it worries me if we’re not on the same page? i think it could be love at some point, i definitely see our relationship going somewhere, but i’m getting so in my head about everything that i’m overcomplicating it.
why can’t i just find the feeling and tell him i love him too? he likes me. he truly likes me. he calls me pretty and holds my hands and kisses me (and always remembers not to use his tongue because i’ll bite) and he picks me up just to make me laugh and tolerates my playfighting and stubbornness and washes my makeup off for me and makes me eat when i’m neglecting my health. he makes me feel seen and taken care of and i really really like him so why can’t i love him yet? it’s stressing me out something terrible and i still don’t even know if he was serious and that makes it so much worse!
maybe i do love him and i’m projecting past relationship anxiety onto him so i can’t see it. i don’t know. what do i do?