hello again! i feel like i should apologize for having so many questions to post about all the time. so i am sorry! my goal isn’t to overwhelm or be irritating.
as for this post, i guess i wanted to ask for advice on feelings of being undeserving or unworthy of a relationship? while i’m not explicitly with this person, we spend time together every week, and we have sex and go on dates. i’m okay with the lack of clear label most times, it’s just something we haven’t really stopped to talk about. he’s so kind to me and it makes me feel like i don’t deserve this.
he’s done so many small things that are so sweet and it makes me feel almost guilty? whenever we have a good time, i can’t help but think about how i don’t deserve it. him wiping my makeup off for me, or resting his head on my lap, or getting shampoo everywhere in an attempt to help me wash my hair, or telling me i look amazing when i change my appearance. these are all such fond moments in my head, but they come with this terrible sense of guilt. i feel like i haven’t done anything to deserve someone who’s sweet to me, and that i’m just kind of leeching on his kindness, if that makes sense? like i’m a bad person for wanting to be with him like this.
he’s never done anything to reinforce these thoughts, although i’ve also never talked to him about it. he’s not the kind of person who stays around out of feelings of obligation or guilt, though, so deep down i know that i DO deserve this, even if it’s just because he thinks so. but it can be difficult to recognize that for me, sometimes. i’m not sure if this makes a lot of sense, i apologize.