Scarleteen

So I've been dating someone 11 years older than me I'm 23 and she's 34. We met at a party by a mutual friend and began talking and it was great. I was little nervous because I has never dated someone also I had never dated someone older than me but I didn't think about to much because I knew it could scare me. It's been a month of us dating and she wants to take our relationship to the next level( Have sex !!!) and I'm honestly freaking out because... I'M A VIRGIN. I know it's not a big deal but I'm scared to tell her with our age difference I feel like it could create problems and I'm honestly not ready what should I do?

You say it isn't a big deal, but I don't think that's necessarily true! Having sex for the first time may not be a big deal to everyone but it certainly can be, and if it is for you, it's important to acknowledge and respect that. What I'm hearing is that you don't feel ready for sex with her just yet, and if that's how you're feeling, then I certainly think holding off on sex for the time being is going to be the best thing for you. Sex isn't something to rush into or convince yourself to have when you aren't up for it, for whatever reason.

Do you have a sense of why you're scared to tell her you aren't ready? That's what I'd recommend as a first step, so if you want to talk about how to have that conversation, that's something we'd be happy to do.

It sounds like you may have some additional reservations about the age difference, and if you'd like to discuss any of those we can certainly do that as well.

So because of or age difference I'm scared to be honest with her about it cause I feel like she won't want to wait honestly dating someone older is hard because I feel like at times we come from two different worlds and it can be changeling. Her friends have their concerns about our relationship its very stressful honestly.

Hi girlplayer34, I'm sorry to hear that this relationship is causing you so much stress, and it is sounding like you are feeling intimidated in a lot of ways by her being older than you. When you are dating someone, trust and feeling safe are really important; as is feeling that you connect mentally. Are there good things about this relationship that you can articulate, or is it more the stressful things at the moment?

If you'd like some tools to help you reflect on these questions, as they can be quite big things to think about, you might find these articles of ours useful:

• Safer Sex...for Your Heart
• Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship
• Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models