Am I Being Obsessive?

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
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Am I Being Obsessive?

Unread post by soursammy »

Hi, so I've been friends with a very lovely fellow for a few years now (we'll call him Possum). So I ended up developing feelings for Possum here, only to later figure out he already had a boyfriend. This revelation threw me into the despair dimension for a good while afterwards, and whilst I knew me and Possum couldn't be together because of differing sexualities, it still hurt to see him with someone else. Let's jump to present day where now, I can't even look at anything related to their boyfriend without getting upset. I ended up finding Possum's NSFW art account by accident and I saw artwork of him and his boyfriend having sex and I cried. I don't really have feelings for Possum anymore and I STILL get upset. I just wanna know if this is a sign that I'm being an obsessive creep and need to reevaluate myself. I've never dated anyone before so I'd like to know before I end up as a weirdo who can't let go of the past.
Sam W
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Re: Am I Being Obsessive?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi soursammy,

When we develop strong feelings for someone, it can sometimes take awhile for those feelings to fade all the way away, even when we know we can't act on them or when we don't even want to anymore. And lots of people experience a relationship loss (even if it's just the loss of a romantic relationship that could have been) and have things that randomly remind them of that relationship. That's all to say that nothing you're describing sounds like you're being creepy or obsessive; you found his art by accident, and got hit with some feelings you thought had gone away.

I do think it could be helpful to think about what might be behind the strong reaction you had to Possum's art. Was it a reminder of a thing you wished you had? Did it somehow feel like "proof" of some worry or fear you have? Something else?
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