should i be happy?

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
electricswitch
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2021 8:27 am
Age: 17
Preferred pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity and orientation: gay
Location: united states

should i be happy?

Unread post by electricswitch »

quite ominous title, sorry.
last night a few close friends of mine and i decided to have some fun sexting. it was nice and we all had fun, and i was even told i was very good at dirty talking which was an ego boost haha. but after it was over i really didn't feel anything special about it. it just took a shower and went to bed. and now this morning i still feel really apathetic about the whole thing. this is the first time ive engaged with anyone sexually, shouldn't i feel more strongly? i have trouble feeling emotions very strongly so it makes sense but something about this situation makes it feel out of place. it doesn't feel like i did anything special. i just talked with my friends in a way i haven't before. i don't think i regret it - im not sure i would do it again, but it's not like im upset with myself for doing it. i thought it was fun! so why do i feel so numb about it?
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7482
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: should i be happy?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Electricswitch,

If you notice you don't often feel strong emotions, then that pattern may be playing a role here as well. With that pattern, is it all emotions that come through as very mild to you, or only positive ones?

Too, there's no one, specific way you "should" feel about this sexual activity (or any other). People tend to treat sexual things as always involving monumental emotions, and sometimes they do. But there can also be times when they leave us feeling pretty "meh." Even sexual things we enjoy in the moment may not have any lasting emotional effect on us, so there's nothing inherently bad or off about the way you feel about this.
electricswitch
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2021 8:27 am
Age: 17
Preferred pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity and orientation: gay
Location: united states

Re: should i be happy?

Unread post by electricswitch »

hey sam!

yeah, most of my emotions are kind of dulled. i forgot the word for it but it has been a pattern for me. for some reason i keep expecting myself to find some kind of breakthrough in the pattern, which is probably really unhealthy for me.
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7482
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: should i be happy?

Unread post by Sam W »

Have you ever spoken to someone about this pattern? That could be a healthcare provider or someone like a parent or other person you trust/look up to. Too, do you tend to feel very strong emotions in the moment and not afterwards, or is it very dull even when you're in the midst of something want to--or do, to some extent--enjoy?
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic