Insecurity, maybe?

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
rainbowshine02
newbie
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Aug 15, 2021 6:35 am
Age: 20
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Location: USA

Insecurity, maybe?

Unread post by rainbowshine02 »

My boyfriend and I have been dating now for about two years. We previously dated on and off for 4 years. During that time, he struggled immensely with fidelity and even got someone pregnant. I lost my virginity to him and have only ever been intimate with him. He’s also the only ever serious relationship I’ve been in. I’ve gone on dates but it never went further than that. It took a lot for me to even consider a relationship with him again due to the constant cheating and embarrassment I endured. But I did because we’ve both changed.

We recently we were going out for dinner and a movie. While doing so, he got agitated that I noticed these guy’s outfits. He described it as my eyes wandering and I reassured him that I was not looking at them in that way. It escalated into a nasty argument and him suggesting that I may have not only been with just him. We’re always super transparent with each other now given our past issues although I’ve always been because I’ve never had anything to hide.

I haven’t talked to him since and am not sure how to even address the situation at hand. He struggles with his self-confidence as do I at times but I’d never do anything to disrespect him. Even after our history together, I’ve never once thought about doing anything to hurt him. And I told him that when we argued.

I’m not sure how to even address this since I offered reassurance to him. I’m at a loss with what else I could say aside from what I’ve already said. Any suggestions?
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7490
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Insecurity, maybe?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi rainbowshine02,

That sounds like a very unpleasant interaction, and I can see why you're at a loss for what to do. Honestly, there may not be anything you can do, since you were honest with and tried to reassure him and he doubled-down by accusing you of acting like he has. Is this the first time he's accused you of something like this, or has taken something minor and blown it up into a big argument?

Since it sounds like this relationship has been both important and painful for you at various points, can I ask what kind of changes he made that lead you to feel comfortable re-entering it? Have those changes seemed to last, or have you noticed him (or yourself) slipping back into old behaviors?
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic