Hi! So, I'm ace and sex-repulsed, and I'm in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend of four years, who considers himself roughly/technically ace but doesn't really identify with it as a label. He doesn't have a sex drive/desire for sex, although I think he does feel a degree of attraction. He had a much stronger sex drive in high school, before we were dating (we've recently graduated college). Our relationship is non-sexual, and that is incredibly important to me.
My girlfriend is nonbinary and planning to go on testosterone in the near future. Several of my friends, and their friends, have started T also. One of my friends has been talking about how he, and many of his friends, have experienced changes to sex drives as a result, often to significant degrees, including physical discomfort. My friend said he was sex-repulsed and T is starting to mitigate that a little.
This is... really, really scaring me, because I'm afraid when my girlfriend goes on T, his sex drive might change and he might want sex. I have absolutely no interest in a sexual relationship of any type, and I also wouldn't be comfortable with an open relationship. (I'd like to quickly add that I'm also really uncomfortable with the idea that ace/sex-repulsed/sex-averse people should inherently be comfortable with their partners sleeping with other people to make up for the fact that they're not interested, so please do not recommend I work on this. Polyamory and open relationships are phenomenal but they are not for everyone and that's okay.)
Which means... I don't know, in the case that T has this effect on him, either he can't have the sex he wants, or we break up. I am really, really upset at the idea of breaking up and it's honestly scaring me a lot to think about. But if it comes to that, I'll do it. His friendship is definitely the most important thing to me, so if our needs as a partnership diverge, I can work with it, as much as it will hurt.
I'm coming with two requests. The first is that if anyone has any personal anecdotes about T either *not* making you extra horny/interested in sex, or dying down after a little while, I would love to hear it, because it's literally the only narrative I'm hearing from my friends and it's terrifying me that it's inevitable. My friend has tried to tell me that's not the case when the topic comes up, but since he can't give me examples of people he knows who that hasn't been the case, I'm finding it really hard to internalize.
The second is that if anyone has advice about how to bring this up with my girlfriend ahead of time so he knows this is something I'm worried about, but doesn't feel guilty or like he has to repress his sexuality or something if it does happen, I would really appreciate advice. As an ace person myself I know it would really sting to have someone assume I'm going to change my mind about this, so I also don't want to come across that way. I just want to have a dialogue open for if this does end up happening, especially because I think being in a relationship with someone whose actually interested in sex would make me really insecure and I would need to ask for reassurance more often.
Sorry this is so long and rambling, and thank you for reading or any potential advice <3