Asking my crush about meeting in person, wanting to make some more friends, etc.

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Amthyst
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Asking my crush about meeting in person, wanting to make some more friends, etc.

Unread post by Amthyst »

Hello

Making another thread since my last one was getting pretty lengthy. I haven't gotten to videochat with the guy I like for a few months due to school, but the semester and finals ended a few days ago, and we are planning on having a watch party this week. I'm pretty excited about it. Even though we haven't been videochating, we have continued texting. We definitely have a friendship going. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but the way he worded that he would be up for having a watch party sounded kind of flirty, but I'm not the best at reading romantic cues. We are both now fully vaccinated for Covid, and my mom says that I should ask him where he lives, so maybe we can meet in person over the summer. I have been waiting for the opportunity about asking to meet in person for months, and now I have the chance, but now I don't know if I'm ready. My toxic relationship ended sixteen months ago, and I am still dealing with the repercussions of it. I have been talking to him longer than I was with my toxic ex, and I still don't know him very well. I'm still doubting myself, if I message something dumb, what if he doesn't respond, what if he stops talking to me? Even though we have been talking long enough now that it seems very unlikely that he'll hurt me. It takes him a long time to respond to text messages, but if it is something he does regularly, I shouldn't read too deeply into it. I am still talking with my friend that I normally talk about sex and relationships with. I did take her suggestion with asking something simple like if he had siblings, and it turns out he comes from a fairly full house. I want to get to know him better and see him in person, but after my bad luck with my previous relationship, and multiple past crushed, and being forced to take things slowly due to the pandemic, I don't know what pace I need to take with him. I'm 20 years old, I'll be 21 in the Fall, I don't want to be afraid when it comes to my crushes.
Sam W
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Re: Asking my crush about meeting in person, wanting to make some more friends, etc.

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Amthyst,

I think there are a few things to do that might help you get some clarity around meeting him in person. The first is: when you think about getting to see him, what would you say is the dominant emotion you feel? Is it excitement or happiness? Does it feel like the fears you have are attached more to your previous relationship than the one with him? Or does the fear/worry just seem to be completely overwhelming everything else?

Too, have you and he spoken recently about meeting in person? If so, how did that conversation go? If not, do you feel like that's a conversation you could have?
Amthyst
not a newbie
Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2020 10:37 am
Age: 20
Awesomeness Quotient: I have Martin Landau's autograph
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: They/them
Sexual identity and orientation: Pansexual, nonbinary
Location: Virginia

Re: Asking my crush about meeting in person, wanting to make some more friends, etc.

Unread post by Amthyst »

I would say that the idea of being able to see him in person makes me feel excited. I can definitely say he makes me a lot happier than my previous relationship did, even though right now we are just friends. My fears are more attached to my previous relationship, and when I have videochatted with him in the past, I find myself getting tense when it was just about time to see him, but after a few minutes of talking to him, I can relax. For me it is definitely a case or the anticipation being worse than the actual event. We have not had a conversation about meeting in person, but I think it is something I can bring up. I have two options, I can ask him about meeting in person over the summer, or since we go to the same college, and I am going back to campus, I could just wait until then. I am sure I will meet him in person sooner or later.
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7369
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Asking my crush about meeting in person, wanting to make some more friends, etc.

Unread post by Sam W »

Got it. It sounds like you're pretty aware that the pattern is a little bit of anxiety leading up to the meeting and then relaxing into spending time with your friend. To me, that's a pretty good indicator that meeting him in person is something worth pursuing.

I would for sure bring this topic up with him, because it may very well be that he has a preference for when or where you meet in person that makes the decision way easier on your end.
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