On another note a big red flag as to why I felt I needed to leave this person is that I realized our circumstances were identical to that of mine and a past ex. I also feel like my ex before this most recent relationship turned some language into something triggering maybe? Everytime a partner asks "Are you breaking up with me?" now my first instinct is to say no because I almost instantly feel some air of guilt around it and think I should just "try harder" or be nicer about it than just plainly saying no because it feels so harsh. With my now new ex, I felt like they were trying very hard whereas I stopped putting in effort when physical intimacy (my primary love language) went out the window. I feel like I could've put in more effort like I did in that other relationship at 19 but as I get older I'm learning I can't do the same things like I used to.
am setting a hard boundary on what I want instead of drifting around doing whatever without any sort of regard of my own comfort. When I really think it over hooking up was never really my problem. It was being unclear and failing to be honest with my intentions and needs with myself.
I want to make sure I don't fall back into extremism with my decisions. I also don't want to make the mistake of "ending up" in another relationship or trying to fight what feels like everything in the world to be with someone
What was the plan/"formulaic way"?I felt there was no point in having set standards or a "dating plan"
What is that "unrealistic" want? I should say, it's completely fine for you to just want to keep your connections casual, and you have free reign to say that to your prospective partners. To reaffirm what Mo said: it's just a matter of saying it, and the other person being okay with it. If they're not - if each of your needs are totally incompatible - you can and should move on. A relationship is a thing that you choose to be in because you want to. It is a totally optional part of life.I don't really know exactly what I can say I like because I feel like I'll never find it or it's unrealistic
If that's what we're doing here, I would say that both relationships were unhealthy because it wasn't what you wanted. This isn't a competition, we're just naming the trend.I hope this makes more sense and we can better pinpoint what ex may have been the most unhealthy for me.
I just feel awful and to an extent that sexual shame for letting sex and physical needs "break me".
I'll be honest I feel it's getting into an area where it's effecting how I see people negatively. Also more often than not it feels like it's becoming compulsive rather than I'm actually horny and need "relief".
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