navigating normal relationship after honeymoon phase

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
fruityrumpus
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navigating normal relationship after honeymoon phase

Unread postby fruityrumpus » Sun Mar 28, 2021 11:57 pm

accidentally erased my entire post so here we go again:
hi! me again.
my partner (17) and i (17 on thursday! :D ) have been in a really healthy, loving relationship since december. we’ve known each other as close friends for a loooong time before, and had much needed personal character development before we got together. to keep it short: we communicate about everything, try to be as healthy as we can with everything, and treat everything that comes up as a “we” issue- WE can do this TOGETHER. i’m worried about my health? WE can go out and exercise TOGETHER. they’re worried about their mental health because they never had access to a therapist? WE can support you and get you the help you need TOGETHER. my therapist approves of us and is always excited to hear about us! (last week my partner was ranting about an icarly episode and i started to sob because i loved them so much. she was very happy to hear about that.)

we are still very clearly in the puppy-love, honeymoon phase of the relationship. “i love you!!” every two minutes, “i can’t wait to marry you!” and other (completely serious and realistically planned) long term talks, always wanting cuddles or other forms of intimacy, always being on call if we can’t see each other, always texting if we can’t call, you get the deal.

my partner keeps saying something that makes my anxiety flare up, though. they’ll say “i love you”, and then say “i hope i never get tired of saying it”. i started to get worried about when this puppy phase will end. are we actually going to get tired of saying it? everyone always says relationships get boring after a while and it’s like...a CHORE to maintain them. love isn't a feeling, it’s a job and a commitment, etc etc. that gets me really worried. i know i’m still young, but that sounds like...well, like it kinda sucks, to be honest?

both my partner and i have never gotten the chance to express ourselves in the way we have been able to with each other. we both got to experiment with sex, gender, pronouns, expression with our clothes, etc. we explore the world and life together, hand in hand. we’re totally and 100% committed to each other already, and worked on building a healthy and fun friendship before we were even together. we’re always finding new ways to love each other and expand our relationship. are we really going to stop feeling so nice after a while? is it really going to get boring? the way people describe it is like “you’re going to get sick of saying i love you and kisses are going to get boring and you’ll sleep in different rooms and sex will get boring and....but that’s okay!” is it? that sounds like it sucks to me!

will we be able to maintain our relationship after this “honeymoon phase”? or are relationships doomed to become another task to take care of and is love doomed to become some chore to maintain? we both feel all of our emotions so strongly just in general, so i can’t conceptualize NOT feeling the way we do right now.
this site is always so helpful when i have silly things to worry about, and i always appreciate the responses i get from here! thank you!

Sam W
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Re: navigating normal relationship after honeymoon phase

Unread postby Sam W » Mon Mar 29, 2021 7:40 am

Hi fruityrumpus,

It sounds like you're in a relationship that makes you both really happy, which is awesome! And while it's true that the "honeymoon" phase of relationships tends to fade over time, that doesn't automatically mean that this relationship will stop being fun or suddenly feel like a chore.

Something that can help is to think of the transition out of the honeymoon phase as being less about going from enjoyment to boredom and more about going from newness to familiarity. When we're first in the throws of a new romantic relationship (even if it's with someone we knew previously), the experience of that relationship is one of everything being new, and that novelty is very exciting to our brains. If we stay in that relationship for awhile, that newness goes away. But, it can be replaced by other equally positive and enjoyable feelings, like deepened trust or comfort with each other. If the newness wears off and the relationship feels like a chore and only a chore, that's a sign it's not a relationship with a long lifespan.Does that make sense?

fruityrumpus
not a newbie
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 10:37 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: i am squishy!
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/they
My sexual identity and orientation: queer or gay
Location: CA

Re: navigating normal relationship after honeymoon phase

Unread postby fruityrumpus » Mon Mar 29, 2021 8:34 am

that makes sense! people write about it in weird ways, and that coupled with the bad relationships i’ve been surrounded by made me worried about how relationships really are.
this makes me feel a lot better! thank you!

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7290
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: navigating normal relationship after honeymoon phase

Unread postby Sam W » Mon Mar 29, 2021 8:40 am

You're so welcome! If it's of interest, I really like how Heather talks about love, and the way our relationship to it and understanding of it can change through our lives in this article: Love Letter.


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