So my boyfriend wants to finger me, and I want it too. Like, I want it a lot. But I feel really weird about it. Because it’s kind of a big deal. Like, our relationship is great and I think that being more sexual is making it even better. It’s just kind of overwhelming. I think we might try it for the first time this weekend.
Is it unhealthy that I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about sex except for him and people on Scarleteen?
I also just feel really weird. I don’t know why. I think it might have to do with my previous relationship (the manipulative, asshole ex-boyfriend). I think it may be because of the fact that my ex never showed me affection - like real affection: saying I love you, holding me close to him (without the sole purpose of making out with me), telling me I’m beautiful, that kind of thing. Thankfully my current boyfriend does those things. I just need to hear it more. How do I ask him to tell me he loves me more often? (Like, I know he does but I want to hear it more.) I feel really happy in my relationship in general, but sometimes on days like this I just want to be held and told I’m loved.
I just feel like crying and I don’t know why. Everything’s going well and I don’t want my issues from my past relationship creeping into this one. I feel really clingy. (My boyfriend says he’s okay with it so that’s good. But I don’t like feeling like I need someone. I don’t want to be selfish, but I also just want to spend as much time with him as I can.) Why do I feel so upset when there’s not a reason to be?