First, it's important to address this: no city is safe during COVID
. Whether it is pervasive in your area in this exact moment does not change the fact that it is global in its reach, rapidly spreading, and that the world is not thoroughly vaccinated against it yet -- so parties are not a great idea right now.
Whether drunk sex is always rape is one of those forever-relevant questions. As a sex educator, it is my ethical duty to point out that people who are intoxicated can never give true, completely self-aware consent to any sexual act
, so therefore, by definition, sex while intoxicated is rape/assault. Further, if you are describing yourself as blackout drunk
and you are having no memory of the sex act the following day, this tells me that you are in no place to give OR obtain consent
As a human being, I recognize that things aren't always black and white, and people can desire sex even while intoxicated. If you find that you are often having sex while all involved parties
are intoxicated, I would ask yourself a couple of questions. Why is alcohol involved? Do you feel you need
alcohol in any way to feel relaxed for, willing, or able to have sex? Are you having sex while sober (ever)? If not, why? If yes, do you notice that sober sex feels different? Alcohol can do things like prevent you from naturally lubricating, becoming erect, having a full range of sensation -- all things that contribute to great sex. If you have thoughts on why you may be drunk sex so often, we can definitely talk that out here.
Another really important question is whether all parties are in a similar state of intoxication
. If one person is sober and another is drunk, that can lead to a severe power imbalance in making decisions around sex in a way that is inherently abusive. If you are getting someone drunk in order to have sex with them, or are pursuing sex with someone who is more intoxicated than you, then that is most certainly rape and alcohol in that instance is a date rape drug
Also, I would recommend taking a look at a couple of our articles/advice columns that are relevant:
Do you want to talk about how having sex while intoxicated, not remembering all of these sex acts, etc. has made you feel? Or maybe we can talk about making a plan around consent and sex if you intend to drink on a given night (e.g. tell your FWB you want to hook up before a party, or that you want to sleep things off before having sex)?