an older crush of mine kissed me and im thrilled but also kinda weirded out

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an older crush of mine kissed me and im thrilled but also kinda weirded out

Unread postby badgyal » Sun Jan 10, 2021 1:15 pm

Two months ago I started a warehouse job and met this guy named Del. At first, I didn't really think much of him other than that he was really nice. One time I got locked outside with him by accident and he teased, "this is good, you and me alone together," I laughed at that, not thinking too much of it. We chatted about our home countries and a bit about our families. Sometimes we would chat with each other if we ever passed by each other at work.
I asked him "how's your wife?" and he said "I'm not married. Do you want to be my new wife?" We both busted out laughing at this. I don't know if this was flirting, was it? I assumed he viewed our work relationship as platonic, I know I did. I will admit, I did have a crush on him, but I didn't think it was serious since he's 35 and I'm 21.

Anywho, two days ago, after five weeks of not being at work, he showed up at our job. I was excited to see him and greeted him. Now, again, I thought this relationship was PLATONIC. Before we parted ways, he said, "let me get a kiss" and then swooped in and kissed the side of my masked face (2) times. This surprised me! First of all, he didn't even ask me if I wanted a kiss. He just did it. That is what irritated me.

I don't know even know if he likes me or if he wants to establish a romantic relationship with me. I don't even know him at all outside of work. I am bothered by the fact there is a 14 year age difference between us and that he might view me as 'easy.' I am also bothered at how a 35-year-old adult male might like a young person in their 20's. Shouldn't he be the mature one here and not be liking me?

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Re: an older crush of mine kissed me and im thrilled but also kinda weirded out

Unread postby Sam W » Mon Jan 11, 2021 8:04 am

Hi badgyal,

It can definitely be jarring and frustrating when someone you thought you had a platonic relationship with starts taking things in a romantic direction. Add in the age difference and the fact that you're coworkers and I can see why this is stressing you out.

You're also right that a guy going after a much younger person as a potential partner is something to be wary of. Heather offers a really good, thorough explanation of why here: Why I Deeply Dislike Your Older Boyfriend, but one of the reasons is one you've already hit on; older men will sometimes go after younger women because they're less mature than them, and their hope is that a less-mature woman will tolerate all the nonsense from them that an older woman would not.

Given all that, how would you like to proceed? Do you want to start by setting boundaries with him or telling him that kissing you without permission is not okay and to not do it again? Or does that not feel like a safe or comfortable thing to do?

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