I'm worried about my mom, and she is getting on my nerves. I have said it before, and I will say it again, I love her very much, I am fortunate to have the type of relationship I have with her, but I don't know how to communicate with her right now. She has had a rough time this past week, and has every right to be upset. She's a teacher, and she has been at home since Covid happened, but starting in March, she has to go back into the school building and teach virtually from there, and she was going on about how her computer there is a piece of crap.
She was using big words that even I as an English major can't see myself using when angry. She seemed to calm down that, but yesterday she went into the building to check to see what cables she needed. She is also a photographer, and a few years ago posted a bunch of pictures that were in the main office. Well, the people in the office took all the pictures down without telling her, and just placed them in her classroom. She still hasn't recovered from that. Like I said, she has every right to be upset with what is going on, but I just want her to shut up.
I have been stuck at home with my parents since Covid hit, and haven't hugged anyone since last March. I want to move out so badly, and have made it very clear to my parents that it's something I have been thinking about a lot lately. I have thought about moving into my grandparent's old house, or to my other grandfather's camper, but I know staying in this house is the safest option. I wish I could move in with someone, but I shouldn't right now, and I'm not going to lie, when I'm vaccinated, I'm probably going to go stay with someone for a few days to escape my parents. My dad is a lot easier to talk to, but my relationship with him is different, we don't have serious talks very often.
Fortunately, for me at least, when my mom goes back to the school building, I'll have the house to myself during the day. I hope she doesn't become even more of a pest, (I have another word for that, but I don't know if I'm allowed to swear on here), even if she has every right to be one. She fortunately doesn't go into vicious mode very often, but when she does, it freaking scary. She says she's thinking about getting a therapist when we return to a sense of normalcy, but I don't understand why she's waiting. I'm doing virtual therapy, she's paying for it! What does she have against it? In high school, when I was having trouble to contain my emotions, she used to tell me that I need to keep in mind about how my actions can affect other people, I feel like telling the same thing to her, and those people who took down her art work without her permission.
I wish more people will be willing to admit that they have screwed up. I try to be a good kid, and ask if she is okay, but hearing her say no over and over again, it doesn't feel like it's worth it. I hope she'll forgive if I decide to stop talking to her for a few days. I just don't know how to talk to her. I also have been having more trouble containing my emotions. I have been crying more often lately. I wonder if she'll accidentally push me into moving out. I have certain safe havens, but when I think about what has been going on lately, I get upset more often.
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