I'm happy he's gone

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
BuddyBoi21
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I'm happy he's gone

Unread post by BuddyBoi21 »

This is going to be extremely straightforward.

My dad died last week and I'm okay with it. We had a terrible relationship before he died and the only thing I really grieved was not being able to have that healthy father-child relationship.

Am I the only person who has felt a sense of relief/happiness/carelessness toward a close relative that died because they were an awful person during their life?
Alexa
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Re: I'm happy he's gone

Unread post by Alexa »

Hey BuddyBoi21,

First -- I'm sorry for your loss. Facing tough questions like this is hard, even if you don't miss the person who has passed.

You are certainly not the only person who has ever felt this way after a close relative died. Healing from toxic relationships with a deceased family member looks different for everyone. Relief and happiness are definitely in the cards. You may also feel like you have unresolved business with your father -- things he needed to atone for, things you wanted him held accountable for, etc. This especially resonated with me:
...the only thing I really grieved was not being able to have that healthy father-child relationship.
If you need to lean into this part of your grief -- write dad a letter, journal about unfinished business or unmet needs -- I highly encourage that to help you process. This might be the piece of grief that you end up needing to show care to and address.

TL;DR: what you are feeling is totally normal.

Do you have anyone in your life who is helping you process this experience?
Alexa K.
Scarleteen Team
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