opening it up

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
bikinksterboy
not a newbie
Posts: 250
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:32 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: my willingness to try essentially anything
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him
My sexual identity and orientation: bisexual
Location: New York, New York

opening it up

Unread postby bikinksterboy » Tue Nov 01, 2016 1:50 pm

lately I've been desiring a polyamorous relationship, but my boyfriend who I love is strictly monogamous and I don't wanna leave a good stable relationship for what may only be a temporary fling with someone else. what do I do? I know for a fact he wouldn't be open to it as we've discussed the issue multiple times
"~Take a moment to think of just~"

~flexibility, love, and trust~"

bikinksterboy
not a newbie
Posts: 250
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:32 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: my willingness to try essentially anything
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him
My sexual identity and orientation: bisexual
Location: New York, New York

Re: opening it up

Unread postby bikinksterboy » Tue Nov 01, 2016 1:55 pm

my issue here isn't so much how long whatever relationship i get into after a hypothetical break would last so much as whether it would be worth leaving him, and so far I'm leaning toward "no it wouldnt'
"~Take a moment to think of just~"

~flexibility, love, and trust~"

Mo
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 1991
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him, they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queer/bisexual

Re: opening it up

Unread postby Mo » Tue Nov 01, 2016 2:33 pm

Only you can really decide whether you want to prioritize your current relationship or the option to have an open relationship with another person/people. If it would help to have a few questions to help you evaluate the situation, here are a few: When you think about your ideal relationship structure, what does that look like to you? How are you feeling about your current monogamous relationship overall, other than this particular conflict with your partner? Are there particular people you're interested in pursuing other relationships with right now, or are you feeling a general desire to have an open relationship structure?

bikinksterboy
not a newbie
Posts: 250
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:32 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: my willingness to try essentially anything
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him
My sexual identity and orientation: bisexual
Location: New York, New York

Re: opening it up

Unread postby bikinksterboy » Tue Nov 01, 2016 2:53 pm

more a general desire and as for ideal relationship structure I'm not quite sure. My current monogamous relationship is one I feel well about. It's fairly new but I haven't rushed it and we have a connection, can deal with and be friends with each other when not intoxicated by romance, and if this matters at all it's long distance.
"~Take a moment to think of just~"

~flexibility, love, and trust~"

Mo
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 1991
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him, they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queer/bisexual

Re: opening it up

Unread postby Mo » Tue Nov 01, 2016 3:55 pm

Long distance can certainly put its own unique pressure on a relationship, and there are plenty of folks in long-distance relationships who do decide to be poly or open things up to some degree. Since it sounds like you're pretty happy with how things are going other than your partner wanting to be monogamous, and there isn't a specific person or people you're interested in pursuing, it doesn't sound like there's a really pressing need to change things up right now. If you hit a point where being monogamous just isn't feeling like it's working for you or you worry about breaking that agreement, you may decide that it's better to end your current relationship and pursue only open relationships after that, but at the moment it doesn't sound like you're saying this is a dealbreaker for you.

bikinksterboy
not a newbie
Posts: 250
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:32 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: my willingness to try essentially anything
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him
My sexual identity and orientation: bisexual
Location: New York, New York

Re: opening it up

Unread postby bikinksterboy » Mon Dec 14, 2020 7:05 pm

just I guess as an FYI for peeps, this post is about my girlfriend who is trans and started her transition over the course of our relationship (uses she/her exclusively now). Can someone edit it? I feel like someone probably should, if possible. Probably for all my posts where I mention her from around that time, come to think of it.
"~Take a moment to think of just~"

~flexibility, love, and trust~"


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